BTN: Birmingham Telecommunications News COPYRIGHT 1992 ISSN 1055-4548 January 1992 Volume 5, Issue 1 Table Of Contents ----------------- Article Title Author Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Staff Publisher's Corner.............................Mark Maisel Whatever Happened To...........................Tim Straughn Music Revue....................................Joseph Ray Review: Borzoi Online Handbook................Mark Maisel The Reality of Love............................Shawn Trucks THE OFFLINE READER MENACE......................Jet Thomas Music Review...................................Michael Davidson Notes From The Trenches........................Dean Costello The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind & Herbert...Jeremy Lewis The Meandering Themes of Colby.................Colby Gibson Surprise! Surprise!...........................MoeDog Special Interest Groups (SIGs).................Barry Bowden Known BBS Numbers..............................Staff ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer and Statement of Policy for BTN We at BTN try our best to assure the accuracy of articles and information in our publication. We assume no responsibility for damage due to errors, omissions, etc. The liability, if any for BTN, its editors and writers, for damages relating to any errors or omissions, etc., shall be limited to the cost of a one year subscription to BTN, even if BTN, its editors or writers have been advised of the likelihood of such damages occurring. With the conclusion of that nasty business, we can get on with our policy for publication and reproduction of BTN articles. We publish monthly with a deadline of the fifteenth of the month prior to publication. If you wish to submit an article, you may do so at any time but bear in mind the deadline if you wish for your work to appear in a particular issue. It is not our purpose to slander or otherwise harm a person or reputation and we accept no responsibility for the content of the articles prepared by our writers. Our writers own their work and it is protected by copyright. We allow reprinting of articles from BTN with only a few restrictions. The author may object to a reprint, in which case he will specify in the content of his article. Otherwise, please feel free to reproduce any article from BTN as long as the source, BTN, is specified, and as long as the author's name and the article's original title are retained. If you use one of our articles, please forward a copy of your publication to: Mark Maisel Editor, BTN 221 Chestnut St. BHM, AL 35210-3219 (205)-956-0176 We thank you for taking the time to read our offering and we hope that you like it. We also reserve the right to have a good time while doing all of this and not get too serious about it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- F R E E B I E : G E T I T W H I L E I T S H O T ! The following boards allow BTN to be downloaded freely, that is with no charge to any existing upload/download ratios. The Connection Alter-Ego Arkham Asylum Channel 8250 Little Kingdom Joker's Castle Crunchy Frog Myth Drannor Owl's Nest MATRIX Abject Poverty The Bus The Outer Limits Bloom County The Round Table DC Info Exchange Radio Free Troad Owlabama BBS Amiga Alliance ][ DataLynx Martyrdom Again?! If you are a sysop and you allow BTN to be downloaded freely, please let me know via EZNet so that I can post your board as a free BTN distributor. Thanks. MM ----------------------------------------------------------------------- N E W S F L A S H The First Annual Birmingham BBSer's Celebrity Roast Okay, we have a few new developments, so pay attention! FIrst the price of the tickets is $15.00.......a lousy $15.00!!! For a great evening with people who are as deranged as you (you might even learn a few new tricks!) this is indeed a small expense, so stop being a tightwad and dig into your recess money and try to find someone who can tolerate your company for an evening! For $30.00 a couple you can have a few laughs and you might even get lucky in the bargain! We have been able, thru the good graces of Colonel's Corner in Trussville Alabama, to set up a telephone ticket ordering service for all of you hot shots who use that plastic money! Call 205-640-4139 and tell Doug your innermost secrets, then after he finishes laughing, give him your Visa or Mastercard number and WHAMO!!!!!...Just like that you'll have your tickets waiting for you at the door! If you have to mail in the bucks, the address is Colonel's Corner......Route #2, Box 108-K, Trussville, Alabama, 35173. Yes, at the Roast we'll be accepting lots of grief, and we will be taking a lot of Personal suggestions about boards and such, but we DON'T take American Express! The Date is January 31st.......the time is 7:00, the place is the Holiday Inn at the Airport exit of Interstate 59/20 in Birmingham, Alabama. You need some help with something, call one of us! Oh yeah, as if it really matters, you'll be eating Beef Tips in some kind of sauce and a couple of veggies and something or other to drink............Call now and start the new year right! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Publisher's Corner by Mark Maisel The Night The Ole Hard Disk Died My hardy and heavily used Seagate 251-1 had held up admirably. Sometime in the past 3-4 months, it began to give me problems. Strange things would happen: Programs that loaded just fine would mysteriously bomb when loading, leaving me with a horrifying disk error. I'd run PC Tool's DISKFIX and sometimes recover the program. Sometimes not. COMMAND.COM would begin disappearing, leaving me to have to boot from a floppy diskette. Data files that had been perfectly good would begin to have errors and/or disappear entirely. The occurrences grew more frequent as time passed. I wasn't sure what was the problem, but assumed that a low level format might help. I decided to try DR DOS 6.0, a fine product, by the way, so I backed what was left of the data on the drive, and then proceeded to low level format the drive. I then went through the installation procedure and set up the whole drive as one big partition. Guess what, the errors remained. My finances are not as flexible as usual because of the upcoming expenses with Kathy. As a result, I could not purchase a new HD. Mine worsened by the day. Some days it would not boot, and I would have to run from a floppy. I was getting desperate. I knew that my insane friend, Tom Egan, sometimes tinkered with strange things like bad HDs. I called him to tell him about the drive. He let loose with one his twisted sounding cackles and said, "sure, bring it over. I'll fix it, I hope. If not, oh well.". Kathy and I showed up at Tom's place a few days later with drive in hand. He cackled some more and started making all manner of disconcerting noises and comments in regards to what he planned for my drive. Someone not knowing Tom as well as I might have become very nervous and decide to back out. I knew better and let him have at it. We went down to his very dusty, dirty basement/workshop and he set to work. He pulled out his tools and warmed up the oscilloscope. He checked the drive circuitry and signals with the scope. All checked out. He said, "lets crack the shell on this baby and see what we can break!". He popped the top off of it and fired it up to watch what would happen. Remember, this was not done in anything remotely resembling the clean environment that is said to be necessary for HD repairs. He was smoking and not paying much attention to his ashes or smoke. I was watching with great interest as Tom tried to elicit a reaction from both the HD and myself. Kathy watched for a while but eventually became disturbed at his antics. I suggested that perhaps the positioning band was lose and that was a cause of trouble. He checked it and decided it needed tightening. While being tightened, it broke. We went through Tom's HD grave yard to find a comparable drive from which to take another band. One was found and while the drive was disassembled, we played "Frisbee"(tm) with the platters. That was an interesting experience. We used freon to clean the platters and then canned air to dry them. Tom placed the platters back on the spindle and applied power to the drive. It didn't spin up. He decided that the spindle needed lubrication. Without removing the platters, he very liberally sprayed "WD- 40"(tm) onto the platters and everywhere else he could reach in the drive. The drive still refused to spin, but that was now due to the thick sludge left by the lubricant on the platters. Trails were left in the muck by the read/write heads when Tom manually spun the platters. It was not a pretty sight. Tom again washed the whole mess in freon, this time without removing the platters, so basically, freon was poured over the platters and everywhere else in the case. He then used the canned air to remove the freon residue and dry the mess. He went overboard and didn't stop with the air till there was about 1/8 inch of frost on the platters. Tom then proceeded to warm the platters under a handy 150 watt flood lamp he kept on his workbench. He eventually got it right and we were able to spin the drive back up to speed. The new positioning band was installed, and the heads once again were able to move across the platters. We took the drive over to his computer, which conveniently had a 251-1 in it. He removed it and plugged mine in its place. It didn't spin. He pulled mine back out and opened it again. He repeated his diabolical abuse on the drive once again. He got it to spin once it was placed back into the computer. He then proceeded to low level format the drive. It had lots of errors but it had gotten too late in the evening for us to keep working on it. Tom opted to keep the drive and to tinker with it more the next day. This he did, and in the afternoon of the following day, he called, triumphant; "Mark, I fixed the drive! There was a bad head causing all of the errors. The drive formatted error free so it looks healthy!". He brought the drive over shortly after that and we installed it. I low level formatted it again with my controller and it came up with no errors. I then ran Spinrite on it, at its most rigorous setting. Spinrite found and marked 8Kbytes of space on the drive as bad. All is well that ends well. Now, I want to tell you a few things about this service of Tom's. He does not do this for folks as a sideline or regular favor. He did it for me only in the hopes that he could scare the hell out of me with his antics. He knew I had basically written off the drive and anything he might do that worked was a bonus. DO NOT ASK HIM TO REPAIR EQUIPMENT! You will be taking your life into your hands if you do. He maintains a frenetic pace in life and rarely stops to work on his own equipment, let alone that of others. I related the story to you in hopes that you would be entertained. Oh yes, Rocky, your 600Meg'ers are next! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- What Ever Happened To .... by Tim Straughn Things are different. What things? Things in general relating to the Birmingham BBS community. Why are they different? I certainly don't know, but I have some ideas and opinions. Are they better? In my honest opinion, no. Who changed them? I don't know that either, but perhaps I am not so innocent of being at least part of the cause of some of the changes I don't like. I remember days when one had to call several different boards in town to keep up a good BBS social life and maintain some rapport with the local sysops. Sysops helped sysops with problems, of any kind, by answering comments from those sysops requesting assistance with a phone call instead of comment reply. We heard each other's voices on more occasions than we typed at each other. We were a very close knit clique. Well, maybe not when I first got started in the BBS world, but shortly thereafter when boards were springing up like weeds, one of which was my own. We used to call up the other systems, and invite a handful of other sysops over for a few beers and bull sessions to compare notes on good users and problem users and work together developing doors and system maintenance programs. I even remember one such meeting which changed from a programming consortium to a political discussion which resulted in the two debators literally standing in chairs and shouting at each other while others present were scrambling for cover. These invitations usually had to be sent out at least a week or so in advance so the parties concerned and invited could have time to plan to attend. One such gathering took place on a farm some 20 miles south of Birmingham where a lot of us that had never met face to face did so. Some of us got blitzed, some of us cooked, most of us ate too much. Some of us explored an abandoned milking barn whilst others chased chickens. Though the majority of us had never met, we socialized like we'd known each other for years, almost like a high school class reunion. Most importantly, we had fun. During that gathering, we also came up with a new concept for the Birmingham area. Networking of the local message bases. Wow! Wouldn't it be great if I could send a message from my system to another sysop without anyone else knowing about it except he and I? On the very next day, such a system came to be. It was dubbed EzNet. Channel 8250 and The Bus System were linked privately for some six months with Ed O'Neill and myself passing messages back and forth testing the system and discussing the operation and making plans for it to become a public system for all user's to enjoy. A single conference on two systems that kept the same messages was created, and was considered the best thing since shirt pockets. Then we went public with it, each of us leaving just one public message to each other, and we were overwhelmed with the reception of the idea. Several people had input into the design and operation of the system, and we all were pleased with a local system. Now, the programs and scripts and batches written for that system are no longer in use because of the inability of the authors of the code to support it. Not that they were inept, but real life kind of got in the way, and the system gave way to bigger, better, faster, prettier programs that all we had to do is set up, and not modify code for. That private little network has now gone interstate (at least to Georgia) and it is no longer Birmingham's private little network. I watched it grow from 2 to 5 to 21 boards at one time, and I have no idea how many are running an `EzNet' conference now. It isn't EzNet anymore. There's nothing Ez about it anymore. I often thought of reviving the `real' EzNet, but it was too much like re-inventing the wheel with little expectation of any reward at all (like someone actually using it). Am I saying that just because we don't use that program that I helped write, that the EzNet system isn't as good? Not at all. The programs now in use are much more efficient and goof proof than ever before, and require a lot less sophisticated batch files. Is this better? Maybe. The program wasn't EzNet. WE were EzNet. When I say we, I refer to the original attendees of that party on Fred McMaster's farm. For a major change in the BBS community, we introduced a new concept. BBS's that cooperated with each other, versus every BBS competing with each other trying to have the largest user file. That was, I believe, the first time in Birmingham BBS history that many sysop's were in one room without a shouting match starting about my board's better than your board. Then came BTN: a concept introduced by Mark Maisel and supported by the same group of people. Its intention was and is to solicit all of Birmingham for opinions, tutorials, and reviews in which anyone could write about most anything. Mark was nominated as editor. He certainly deserves the title because if nothing else, he has given his soul to it. Without him, BTN would not have a Library of Congress number (ISSN, a strong means of copyright protection for US periodicals). Without his relentless badgering of the writers, the publication would have dried up and withered away as have several attempts at a similar effort. It too grew from a local newsletter to a national event. It too, like EzNet has grown very large. I guess what my missgivings amount to is whether or not bigger is better. I see nothing wrong with BTN or EzNet being large. Being large, however, takes away some of the sparkle of a small family of boards and tight knit sysops. I don't feel nearly as close to either BTN or EzNet as I used to. Since's BTN's growth to national recognition, I have seen articles in it that I thought very unfitting for a community publication of which the original intent was to promote BBS'ing for all ages and show the public that the BBS community was not some secret organization of phreaker's and hackers out to install a virus in every computer in the world. There was even an occasion where a third grader was given a copy to take to school by his grandfather, which contained an article with several occurances of a four letter word that is not quite suitable to be read to third graders. Perhaps my dismay is founded on the fact that I didn't grow with BTN and EzNet. I certainly was part of both from the onset, and have contributed to both. However, an extended stay away from Birmingham on a job disassociated me with both, considerably. I became a stranger that everyone knew. There are people that I see at recent BTN parties that know me, and I don't know some of them from Adam's housecat. I have seen some less than desirable influences on both BTN and EzNet be made celebrities, and have been condemned for speaking out against it. I simply voiced an opinion, and that opinion was in difference to the current majority associated with EzNet and BTN, so I squelched and became a lurker. What, or who has changed, me, or EzNet and BTN? I used to feel quite comfortable at the BTN parties, but now feel almost like a fifth wheel at them. I know only a very small percentage of the people that come to them, and even they have proven that I am only acquainted with them, and don't really know them, at least some of them have. I didn't grow with all the other boards in town. I haven't spent lavish amounts of money on my system on 9600 baud modems and extra phone lines and long distance networks. I never thought I needed them. Was I wrong? Are these now the criteria for a `great' BBS? Is it now necessary to have 200+ conferences networked all the way to Australia to have a popular BBS? Is it now necessary to offend someone's sensibilities intellectually to become a prominent member of this massive system? Is it an absolute must for a message to have to travel all the way to New York or Seattle to be worth writing? What really makes a board worth calling? On a regular basis, during the growth stages of EzNet, there was strife and controversy. During those times, EzNet was very alive. Now, EzNet is so full of apathy, even I cannot stir up controversy. EzNet is so diluted with prattle it is impossible to carry on a serious discussion of any kind in the conference. Oh no! I have suggested the need for topic police! EzNet's a great place to go for testing one's wit, but not much else. It is no longer a place to express opinions, because a serious topic will be swallowed away by the tons of meaningless drivel. By the time someone who may be otherwise interested in a particular topic gets to it, his/her brain has been blitzed by so many people trying to be funny. It isn't funny to me anymore. Some of this may be misconstrued as bitter apples because my own system has become a little known small board. Actually, I like a small system with a close small group of regular callers. However, I do have a large number of new users registering monthly, most of which only seem interested in scrounging around in the file libraries. A good many of them learn what it is like to ignore warnings about file transfers. I have even given up conferences to other boards because the users of that conference wanted a national echo. Calling into my system meant adding one more day to the turn-around on a message, so suddenly, the users of that conference simply started calling the Hub system to eliminate that delay. I guess efficiency was the most important aspect of the messaging of those conferences. Perhaps another contributor to the mass of messages in EzNet today is the development and widespread growth of offline readers. These things make it too easy to answer mail to not answer a whole lot of it. Too many messages without anything to say are entered pounding away at anything of any importance or value, pummelling so deep into the dirt that it's no wonder few topics survive long enough to receive any real discussion. I remember long threads by Brett Thorn and Jet Thomas. I could read these for hours, and never catch up. The best part of all, though, was that the topics were interesting. There was quantity, and quality, and a very good balance of both. Perhaps I am looking for something a bit too serious in a conference with an audience as diverse as EzNet. Perhaps I should change like all the other boards and pick up national echoes. But wouldn't this just make my system like all the others, giving very little reason to be called, or at least no advantage to being called? I don't like thinking so hard to come up with some gimmick that no one else is using, to make the system so different from the others, but I don't feel that being exactly like the others has any benefit either. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Music Revue by Joseph Ray To each his own, I guess. But music is somehting that is endearing to all of our hearts. We embrace each note as if it wre our very own. We feel the rhythm coincide with each of our heartbeat. And some music even consumes our breath. Nirvana- "Nevermind" Nirvana's "Nevermind" is one of those albums that consumes your breath and spits it back out in the form of kick ass rock-n-roll. This is not music for the wimps. The old farts hate this type of music and wouldn't even consider it music. Then again, old farts do not like anything that is going to vibrate their souls out of their jugular veins. This is music for the young at heart. Tunes such as "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "Come As You Are" clearly identify with the High School crowds. Most of the songs carry similar messages along with a few that comment on being on the psychotic edge. If you have the CD, be sure to fast forward to the end of the last track. The titles themselves awake a rude picture that would offend anyone who thinks that rock-n-roll is the gateway to man's ultimate destruction. Yeah, the old farts are pissed off at this one. But they know if they say anything to us about it they can kiss their ideas of a luxurious old farts home goodbye. This album strikes at the heart of rock-n-roll : Anarchy, decadence, and an 'everybody fend for yourself' attitude. And let this be a lesson to ya you bunch of old coots! "Two Rooms: Celebrating the Songs of Elton John and Bernie Taupin" - Various Artists The list of the performers on this album reads like a rock-n-roll honor roll ( with a few exceptions ). Overall, this album is modern renditions of EJ&BT's best tunes: not neccessarily the two or three usuals you'd here over some "classic rock-n-roll" radio station. These are songs which music connoisseurs consider to be some of EJ&BT's greatest, not the ones that just happened to make it on the charts. Not every great song is released as a single. One of the best artist's choices is Tina Turner's decision to redo "The Bitch is Back." The voice and personality combinations come together and express the message better than the original. Other artist's choices aren't so excellent. I'd much rather hear Kate Bush sing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" than "Rocket Man," but she still does an appreciable modern version. Eric Clapton, The Who, Sinead O'Conner, etc..etc..etc....This album has a number of great artists performing a number of great songs. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Review: The Borzoi Online Handbook for Writers by Mark Maisel Version : 1.0 Publisher : McGraw-Hill, Inc. Requirements: IBM PC, XT, AT, PS/2, or compatible computer, DOS 2.1 or higher, minimum memory to allow for word processor, 512K, 640K recommended. Will run from a floppy or hard disk, no graphics required. Dr. David Roberts, a Professor of English at Samford University, here in Birmingham, sent me this product along with the Borzoi Handbook and Workbook. Once I finally sat down with it, this software captivated me more than any other writing tool I've ever used. For those of you unfamiliar with the Borzoi books, they are used primarily by college students for English composition courses. I love a good guide to English because the language can be a confusing one for the budding writer. I keep three books by my computer: a dictionary, thesaurus, and college English text book. The dictionary and thesaurus are pretty easy to use. The text book is a bit more difficult as it requires me to often spend considerable time pondering what it has to say, plus the time it takes to find answers to my specific questions. As a result, I often will fake it if I can't find my answer quickly. Dr. Roberts designed an online version of the Borzoi Handbook as a TSR for IBM and compatible computers. What it does is allow quick and easy access to the secrets of good English while you are using your word processor. The interface is very simple and straightforward. The menus are easy to navigate and finding your topic takes little time at all. The "hot keys" that activate the program, once it has been loaded, are the left and right shift keys, tapped simultaneously. This caused absolutely no conflict for either QEdit or Word Perfect 5.1, the two programs I use for writing. Help is available at any time, when the program has been called into the foreground, so documentation is not really needed. The program takes approximately 112Kbytes of memory when loaded. This is a hefty chunk of the lower 640K. There are no provisions for customizing colors or any other frills. I asked about these things during the course of my evaluation. Dr. Roberts explained that the program is a TSR, and subsequently uses so much memory, because the program must be able to run on machines that may have only floppy drives. One drive must contain the DOS diskette, and the other must contain the word processor being used. Since this product is primarily aimed at students, it is easy to understand that many machines used by them will only have floppy drives. About the questions of colors and other frills, he said that in order to easily support the widest variety of computer setups, these things were left out. As a result, the user can proceed directly to using the program. My opinion? This program is a must-have for anyone who writes using their computer. It is well worth the memory used to have such a resource handy. I use MARK and RELEASE in my batch file that calls Borzoi Online and my word processor. This allows me to free up the memory after I'm through editing or writing. Other than the memory requirements and the lack of fancy frills, I can find nothing that detracts from this software. There are no shortfalls or even an annoyance to report to you. For the writer, this program is best money you can spend on composition software, aside from your editor or word processor. I have recommended to all of my regular contributors that they purchase this package because it will make my job as editor much easier. How much does it cost to get a package that makes Mark carry on this way, I imagine you are asking. $50? $75? $100? These aren't even close. The entire package with both books runs about $15, and will most likely be found in a university book store. I understand that the software alone may possibly be found alone for about $5. You may find this difficult to believe. I certainly do, especially after having used this thing for a while. If you write, GO GET IT! Dr. Roberts has certainly done his homework in creating a truly useful writing tool. What does the future hold? He has said that there is a new version in the works for IBM and compatibles, a Macintosh version compatible with System 6.0 and up, and possibly a Windows version. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Reality of Love or Shawn Trucks: A Hopeless Romantic, or Just Hopeless? by Shawn Trucks Recent developments in my life have led me to the conclusion that the words "I love you," no matter how sincerely spoken hold about as much sincerity as the words "Welcome to McDonalds! May I take your order please?" The number of times that people casually use those three simple but powerful words is exceeded only by the number of times they are used without conviction. But there's nothing wrong with that. Is there? What, or who is it going to hurt anyway? And if someone *does* get hurt, so what? They'll get over it. Won't they? After all, shit happens. Of course I haven't always felt this way. There was once a time when I believed love was real and two people could overcome any obstacle as long as they had each other, or some unrealistic fairy tale like that. Even after being used and rejected countless times I for some reason always naively believed that the next time was real. Each time I was sure that she was "different" from the others. Each time I was rudely awakened only to repeat the same pathetic procedure again and again. But as painful as these prior incidents were, they were but a prelude to the devastation I was about to experience because yes, you guessed it... I fell in love. Fell so deeply that I knew my heart would be forever lost were I to lose her. This fear, coupled with my own admitted insecurities about myself would cause me to worry constantly that the relationship wouldn't last. It was this fear of rejection that she eventually came to misinterpret as mistrust on my part. But it wasn't that I didn't trust her. I simply didn't feel that I was good enough to keep her for any extended period of time. These fears subsided a great deal, but not completely when I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. I was engaged now for the very first time. I was also happy for the first time in quite awhile. Our lives were filled with professions of endless love and promises of things to be. Of course I was still skeptical that the relationship would last, but as time went by I eventually came to believe that maybe we were destined to be together after all. Can you say "BIG mistake?" I knew you could. Needless to say, as soon as I became secure with myself and the relationship it was over so abruptly that I was in shock for several days. I would think back to the times we spent together and wonder how someone's feelings could change so suddenly. My normal everyday state of depression increased drastically and contemplations of suicide soon followed. After this period I began to write anything and everything I could think of. Entries in my journal, poems, letters and eventually this article, which has been an excellent catharsis for me. God only knows if I'll have the nerve to actually submit it when it's finished. I would like to make believe that I really feel the way about love that I said I did in the opening paragraphs of this article. But I know that when it happens again I'll eagerly dive in head first, eyes closed and with no life jacket. And if my luck holds out the way it usually does, I'll probably end up drowning again and again before I finally reach the other side. But getting there *is* half the fun. And it does at least give me something to write about. And who knows? Maybe someday... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- THE OFFLINE READER MENACE by Jet Thomas A long time ago, Brett Thorn started a vendetta against offline mail readers. I thought he was being silly. People were going to use the things whatever he said, so complaining about them was just a joke. The thing is, it looks like he was right. Was he joking, and the truth caught up with him? Was he prophetic? Did he correctly predict the problems that the offline readers caused, or did he perhaps wrongly predict other problems, and look good now because he wasn't very specific? No one knows except Brett, and he may not remember. Let me back off a little bit. A long time ago I got the chance to watch some people doing operant conditioning on chickens. They taught a chicken that when a green light went on, she could peck at a button. Then a bell rang and a kernel of corn fell into a trough and she ate it. If the chicken waited too long, the light turned off and nothing happened until it came back on again. After a while the chicken spent a lot of her time waiting by the button, watching the light. But she also spent a lot of time scratching around, squawking, and doing the things chickens do. Then they started turning on the light more often, for shorter times. The bell waited longer to ring, and the corn didn't come until the bell. The chicken spent more time at the button. Then they started turning on the light so often that sometimes it came on a second time before the first bell rang. When that happened, the chicken only got 1 corn. The chicken spent more time pecking and less time eating. After some days of that, the chicken spent all her time pecking the button. The light came on and she pecked. It came on again and she pecked again. And again and she pecked. Sometimes when the bell rang she went to the trough and ate all the corn she found there. Sometimes she waited for another light. She started looking frazzled -- frazzled for a chicken. I mean, BEWILDERED. She was actually getting more corn than she could reasonably use, but she couldn't stop to think whether she wanted to keep pecking that button or not. How does that relate to the offline readers? Like this: Back in the old days, you got onto a BBS and read the mail. The number of messages was self-limiting, because the more messages there were the longer it took people to read them. The longer it took to read the messages, the fewer new messages got left. And if each person spend 30 minutes on the board, that was a maximum of 48 people. But with the readers, there's almost no limit to the number of messages. It's perhaps limited more by hard drive space. So there are more messages there. People read on their own time. Now, say two people each read their own mail and answer every message. If one of them sends a message to the other, the other will respond. There's a loop now, and they'll keep sending messages to each other until something happens to disrupt it. Suppose somebody else reads some of their public mail and answers one of them. Now there's a second loop. And that process continues until everybody is spending all their free time answering messages. But of course people don't answer every message! They can't. So they pick and choose. If you get 30 messages a day and you only answer 10 of them, some of the loops will get cut off. But if there are 2 other people reading the thread and they each answer 10, then the message volume will stay at the same level. With so many messages to read, no one can really keep up with the various ideas. Was this last response about THIS, or was it about THAT, or -- no, that one was on a different board, off a different network. Quoting becomes important. Ideally, you should quote the whole message including all the messages it quotes. Otherwise people will try to guess what's going on by the little scraps of quotes, and they'll respond just to those. This serves as an idea filter. Anything the least bit complicated gets filtered out as the quotes shred it. Then it gets forgotten completely. People respond just to the immediate context. But what's the easiest thing to keep track of from very limited quotes? Well, you can remember a particular attribute to tag to each person. Mark Maisel calls himself an asexual and calls Kathy "The Beast". Sarah can't spell very well and has an alter ego who can. Bob Crawford is a photographer with a hot tub. Erica Sullivan keeps her room messy. Judy Ranelli is an android in a woman's body who plays in a rock band. Terry McCombs attracts weirdness. And so on. So if you don't remember what the message is about, you can just say something about the person's attribute. What kind of idea can punch through this amount of noise? Sexual innuendo. In all the scraps of quotes there's bound to be something that can be turned into a double entendre. And if there isn't, you can pretend. If you write a message to a woman with a say-no-more attitude, she probably won't go back and see what she really said. She may respond with a double entendre because she wants to be witty, or she may do so by accident, or she may say she doesn't know what you're talking about (and then you can start making veiled blackmail threats, pretending she can be blackmailed). It doesn't matter what got said before. You can write messages to men about things they can sit on, and they can tell you they don't want to, and you can take it from there. See where the chicken fits in? When you have so many messages that you don't have time to think, when you respond to a message that's a long list of short quotes with a short meaningless answer (that will get quoted itself), when you can't remember what the subject is or why you're involved in it -- you've been conditioned! You can't afford to spend much time on any one message, though, for the same reason you get Call Waiting -- the next message may be much more important. And you do want to keep answering your mail -- these are your friends being friendly. If you give up your offline reader then you won't have a chance in hell to keep up with the flood of messages. And if you don't answer your share then people will gradually stop answering you. It's a mess. Here's a procedure that may help a little in the short run. Go through your mail fast and mark the ones you really WANT to respond to. Then go back to just those and answer them. In the long run it would be good to have more sophisticated offline-reader software. When you're looking at mail that isn't addressed specifically to you, wouldn't it be nice if you could, say, look at 2 randomly-selected messages from each user? And maybe an easy way to adjust the mix -- you push one button and the program knows to show you more from this user, push another to get less. Sort of an adjustable twit-filter. And you could adjust the whole thing to give you a preset number of messages, to fit your available time. I personally wouldn't miss 90% of the messages I read now. But of course, picking the remaining 10% by hand.... And I may have misunderstood. Maybe what people really WANT is thousands of disconnected double entendres. Maybe the things that look like junk to me are there because this is exactly the way people consciously want it to go. I thought people made their habits by accident and didn't think about changing them, but I could easily be wrong. I dunno. Brett correctly predicted something like this would happen. Now he's pissed off about it and he wants people to give up their offline readers. I haven't heard him say he expects that to happen, so he's still predicting right. I can still remember that chicken pecking away. But people aren't chickens. People can notice what's going on. They can go out and get what they want. Can't they? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Music Review by Michael Davidson With the consent of the editor, I'd like to start a monthly review of albums, old and new. Mind you, these are going to be albums I have or have heard, so don't be dissapointed if our tastes differ. This month's selections are the two CD's Use Your Illusion 1 and 2 by the now infamous Guns N' Roses. (My apologies to Jeremy Ray who I know did a music article two months ago. I gave you a month, but you didn't use it!) I'll start with the album smashed by the critics, Use Your Illusion 1. I'll admit, it's not their greatest work, but it's still worth the money. Part of the highlights are a nice remake of Paul McCartney's "Live and Let Die", the original lyrics to "Don't Cry", The Garden (with help from Alice Cooper), and "Don't Damn Me". "November Rain" is a nice ballad, better than I've heard come out of this band. The song lengths remind me of Best of the Doors. They are, for the most part, over five minutes long. There aren't really any awful songs, but "Back of Bitch", "Bad Obsession", and "Double Talkin' Jive" are as close to "filler" material as any on the 76 minute CD. Use Your Illusion 2 is definately the stronger of the two, as reflected in its Billboard standing. The shortest song, the minute-and-a-half "My World" is definately the most interesting. The band does a great studio version of Dylan's classic "Knockin' on Heaven's Door", and then follows it up with the expression of venom towards the music tabloids with "Get in the Ring". "Civil War" is, in my opinion, probably the best song on the CD. It expresses discontent with the way society handles problems, namely with wars, especially thos fought with ourselves. Of course it has ballads, headed by the alternate lyrics of "Don't Cry", followed by "Yesterdays". If I had to choose the best CD this year, I'd pick this one. Then again, I like GN'R. The only problem present in both albums is the constant use of their 4-letter vocabulary. It's alright at first, but it grates at one's nerves after a while. Still, the songs are good, and the band is playing better than before. Even if they have half the population alienated, in these CD's, Guns N' Roses definately lives up to the high expectations set by the fans. I highly recomend them for any rock fans. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes to the Wenches It's not that important, but I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves. Anyway, this is a convenient segue into this month's... Notes from the Trenches by Dean Costello "So...You a Faggot, or What?" subtitled: "Ooooooh, I Need a Dirty Woman..." I remember a couple of years ago, Mark Maisel and myself were talking about something or another, and somehow it came up in conversation how I was perceived by the BBS community. It seems that some people in the BBS world thought I was gay. My first reaction was to ask, "Who was it?" "Hmmm," being my second reaction. Mark, unfortunately, neglected to tell me the people involved, so that was the end of that. He currently claims not to remember the incident, but I don't believe him entirely. It does bring up the point that I have run into over the last couple of years, ever since my father went up and over 50; the question being why don't I date people. Mom, in a rare display of actual feelings, and not something generated in order to conform to June Cleaver platitudes, said when she heard that my brother was dating, "Thank God they both aren't gay." That's tough stuff to hear from a parent. Usually when asked why I didn't date, I usually had smart-ass remarks, in the neighborhood of 'I can't afford someone else', 'I have to finish my Masters', 'I can't afford one', etc., etc. You get the idea: basic sidestepping of a personal question, which is something that I usually do. Which leads me into something else, as I think of it. I don't tell much about me. I usually keep a stock supply of curious stuff, some of it pretty close to the truth, ready to go when asked something about my background, or anything that I consider to be a touch more personal than I am prepared to answer. However... But it nonetheless does not answer the basic question of why I don't date. And my answer is that I frankly don't know. I do have feelings about it, though. I imagine rejection, being judged and found wanting, is a big part of it. I am, by nature, a very insecure person, and I don't like putting my emotional life on the line. I usually also choke in the clutch so instead of being smooth and urbane ("So, I know this little place in Jakarta; you up to get something to eat? Tell me your name and I'll make the airline reservations." "Fuckoff? Oh, you're Russian?"), I usually lose about 75 intelligence points and a goodly part of my motor skills, my voice goes up, ooh, about an octave and a half (and I don't have the deepest voice at the best of times), and I start to act somewhat like Lon Chaney in the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" in my speech and behavioural patterns, stature, and walk ("Do you find me repulsive?)". To paraphrase, it isn't a pretty sight. It doesn't take much in the way of psychoanalysis to realize that much of my attitude is a defense mechanism ("Ahh, you find me repulsive, do you? Well, you're pretty damned ugly, and you don't even have a nice personality. And your car is crappy and your cat has the mange." One- downsmanship, I guess.). I figure that the last date-ish thing I went on was , Holy Shit!, October 1989. Good Lord, two years ago? I can't believe that! I remember it well, now. Myself and a new incoming first-year graduate student at the School of Public Health went to see Pink Floyd's "The Wall" when it was showing at the UAB student center. Now, before you start gearing up on me ("Oh, Dean, big spender, taking some poor girl to see a Floyd movie at UAB. Gonna take her to "Steak and Egg" for something to eat next?"), she was the one that wanted to go there. Nice time was had by the two of us. It's been a while since I ran across a female that could sing Pink Floyd lyrics, but whatever. Anyway, that was the last date I was on. I guess I just haven't gotten around to doing more. I have been in the company of females since then, principally with Monica Usrey, the other person in my Master's program, and others; but not in any way that could be linked to romance. Or at least that's the way it turned out, regardless of planning and pipedreams. There have been several people that I have met over my 2.5 years or so in Birmingham with which a relationship would have been nice. Two of them turned out to be born-again Southern Baptists and tried to gang-save me (I believe I have spoken about this event before), one turned out to be turned on by firemen, and Monica. Monica is a curious creature. The night after I had my second knee surgery, she was over, and happened to meet a large proportion of the BTN gang, who decided that they had to come over and "cheer me up", when all I really wanted to do was sleep and partake of recreational pharmaceuticals. Monica and Jet Thomas got to talking, and apparently it came up that she was living with me (and she was, but not in that way), and she went to great lengths to demonstrate to Jet that she and I were not romantically involved. I, being upstairs, really wasn't paying attention to the conversation since at about that moment Sarah rolled over my just-worked-on leg, but Jet, in a classic display of Jet Logic [Jet Logic (adj.): A means of thinking, somewhat obliquely described as a logical process, in which one takes a normal premise and generates a totally ludicrous conclusion, yet seemingly supported by the premises. Usually requires a fair quantity of biased observation to function correctly...], was convinced that she was doing that so that he would know that she was available. Later, it kind of hurt me that she was willing to go to that much trouble to tell my friends that she was not my girlfriend. Whatever, I guess. I later discovered that she was only in search of a Mel Gibson look alike who had a LOT of money, and alas my first name is Dean, and I still am paying off my student loans. This reaction seems common in many social circumstances. I'm apparently okay in the presence of the individual, but never introduce me to other more 'proper', friends. I guess they assume that I would drop my pants and begin to masturbate in front of them, or something equally socially frowned upon. One of those things, I suppose. I guess its only fair to hit on (damn, I do kill me) some of the things I look for: -Can speak in complete sentences. That sounds specious, I know, but what that really entails is someone that is reasonably intelligent to whom I can talk with for some length of time without having to drop down into some kind of hackneyed conversational gimmick, i.e. "How about the weather", "How about those Mets?" and such. -Can fold a map. Another specious claim (it occurred to me that anything that someone looks for in others would probably be considered specious by others. My arbitrary measure is completely reasonable and logical, but someone else's, say Scott Hollifield's, has absolutely no bearing in the real world), but it has grounding in logic . F'r instance, I noticed that to fold a map takes a margin of patience, and the ability to observe and follow patterns, etc., etc. Also, I like maps, so it would follow to me that being able to deal with them is important. -Not too superficial. One of the multitude of problems I had with Monica was that she was real big on superficial stuff. Someone asked me once why I didn't date Monica, and I replied, "Because she's way too expensive". I like the finer things in life also, as my apartment will attest, but my life is not exclusively American Express Gold Card, at least not for a couple of months yet. -Doesn't smoke. Sorry, kids, but I am allergic to cigarette smoke; and I simply have problems with toleration of smoke. When I lived down here, Randy Hilliard went to great lengths to limit my exposure to smoke when I was over at his house. Most of the smokers I know have more of an attitude, "It's my house, if you don't like the smoke, leave!". More than one person has been knocked out of the running due to smoke-related issues. Whenever I meet a prospective female, I quickly run them through the above list, and a couple of other things, in a bubble sort (for the uninitiated, a bubble sort works like this: You put a factor in on top, and it slowly works it way down through a series of determining factors. For instance, if you wish to sort a list of numbers, you enter the bunch of them on top. The bubble sort will take the first one and ask, "Is it bigger or smaller than X", and continue with this until the number reaches its proper place). Can they speak in sentences? Do they smoke? What do they talk about? Are they ditzy? Do they work? Are they educated? Where do they live? Are they pleasing to the eye? Are they in a relationship? If so, how strong? What are their politics? Are they very strong in their beliefs? Are they close to mine? Are they tolerant? Do they say, "Ewww" about something minor? Anyway, you get the idea. Now, obviously, there is more to it than this. Tolerance is a very big positive thing in my book. As curious as I am, I'll probably need someone who is extraordinarily tolerant of what I consider to be my foibles, and what others would probably consider to be genuine personality flaws. Also, just getting one of the above questions 'wrong' is not going to throw someone out of the running, just place them in the correct ranking. So, why don't I date? Or, more accurately, why don't I meet more prospective people that I may wish to date? I'm not really sure. A couple of points come to mind: 1). I don't have a social circle in Virginia yet, and given the manner by which the office operates, I don't see gaining one at the office in the near future. And being that most of my conscious life is spent there, it cuts into other time. This, along with the fact that I am on the road so much these days. Alas... 2). I am not a big fan of bars. I am violently allergic to smoke. If you see me at a party, it is usually after I am ripped to the gills on some strange creation of mine, and I don't normally mind smoke when I cannot see anymore. Some strange metabolic pathway, I reckon. 3). (and you've heard this one before) The traffic is so bad in the DC Metro. area that I don't want to leave my apartment that much. And if I am not inclined to leave my apartment after going hand-to-hand with several hundred thousand other drivers, you can see that my socialization ability drops to near zero. As you can probably tell, between those three things I don't get a chance to meet many humans, let alone prospective female mates. But, be fair. What do I have to offer someone else? If I were female, would I go out with me? Probably not. Would I even talk to me? I wouldn't think so. The people that I know that are similar to me I despise with all my heart and soul, so it follows that I wouldn't like me that much. I don't think that I am in a position to accurately index my 'positive qualities', since I have discovered that what I consider to be positive, most people think are icky ("Oh, Dean? Well...ummmm...he has a wonderful sense of humour...uhhh, a great personality, and he dances real well. What does he look like? Umm...he's tall ...somewhat lumpy...brown eyes...thighs like steel plates. Hold it, the thigh thing is someone else's self-delusion. Did I tell you about his personality?..."), besides this isn't a dating service, is it? Given my wide-ranging beliefs about an awful lot of things, the chance of finding someone to fit into my Greater Scheme of Things is kind of minimal. Hell, for that matter, tolerant of my Greater Scheme of Things, but I can live with that. I am not driven to reproduce, I have no desire to have children, which I would assume follows, for the most part; and I don't require someone else to be with ALL OF THE TIME. I am, for the most part, satisfied with what I have, and I don't really have a driving impulse to be with someone else. For instance, as I type this, I am home for a weekend. There is a humongous mound of mail in the living room (from the last three weeks), a pizza box on the floor by the television, "Yes" playing on the stereo, and it is about 67 degrees in here. I am comfortable with this, it is my home. I miss that there isn't anyone up here that I can just call sometime and yak with, but its one of those things. I keep hoping that after I've been here a while I'll start meeting all these neat-o people that others describe as living in this region. I am underwhelmed by the D.C. people that I knew before I left Alabama. I'm not sure as to their attitude. It might be a function of the above thing about introducing me to their friends..."Oh Christ, Dean's here, and he'll want to come over, and meet my friends, and then he'll do something weird". Alas. These things happen... I guess I'm just another social misfit that drifted into the Maisel circle; a pariah of society who finally found her/his proper level and just simply didn't realize their social straits. It's not that bad, I guess. At least few people are openly hostile, which from what I can tell is far more than most people can reasonably ask. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind and Herbert by Jeremy Lewis Copyright 1991 by Jeremy Lewis no reprints without the permission of the author Part X It was a great moment in history, perhaps it was a miracle as well, but whatever caused it, it was truly amazing...Herbert, had a thought. Suddenly, distracted by the situation and ignoring Toastus, Herbert's mind (Didn't think he had one. Did you?) set off in search of his friend. "I bet R.G. would know what to do. He always knows what to do." Herbert's body turned to follow him, screaming, "I AM TOASTUS!!! The Chosen one shall not run from me!" Herbert turned his head towards himself as he ran directly into and through the wall in front of him. His body, however, being about as material as something can get (and having a predisposition towards colliding with walls anyway) ran headlong into the wall and Toastus, for the first time in two millennia, was knocked soundly and silenty (except for the loud noise) unconscious. In that dark dark place that's so familiar to all super-beings, two beings were yelling at each other. "WE MUST KILL TOASTUS!!!" "But Sir," said a much more rational voice," I can't kill some one who hasn't done anuthing wrong and especially one that is an inconveiniance at best" "YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND", yelled a deeper voice," TOASTUS HAS FOUND HIM!!!" "Who?", asked the rational voice. "THE GREAT MINDLESS ONE!!!", Shrieked the deep toned voice," THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO BECOME GREATER THAN ALL BEINGS!!!" Slob woke up with an incredible headache. He didn't know what had hit him, but was suspisiously eyeing the wall when he noticed the large human's and the purple thing's unconscious bodies. As he stood there, now paying very close attention to the purple thing, he picked up the mallet and smiled. Slob then raised the mallet and hit the purple thing once for good measure, he then turned to the large human. On the Split-Splat, Emperor Slport was impatient. He was busily chopping a chair to bits with his axe hwne a steward entered the room. The steward made a lovely and satisfying gurgling sound as he hit the floor and by the time the fifth had been slain, a voice came ove the intercomm. "Your Majesty, we have a problem." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Meandering Themes of Colby by Colby Gibson Things are a bit strange as of late, and I have read and read and read more to understand why. A strange cult of users and abashed swirling around in turmoil while everyone else sits reading messages from Netusers and drinking week old tea. THIS is why I have decided to write this article. This is more than likely what NORMAL people like myself see as they such messages from their favorite system every day. Confusion has made itself more and more obvious lately as I read through messages and stuff and I found something that seems to be something of a small clan war from what I see. Seriously, now, reading through BTN042 I can see conflicting interests in the thoughts portrayed by Judy Ranelli and Deborah Bolen, and Dean Costello has been complaining about the former (Not really complaining, but making aware his irritation) and from what has been displayed to the everyday user is very strange. In all truth, I can't really vouch for either party. I don't know much about Dean and his obvious oppression for the adolescent and kid kind. He has a somewhat calloused attitude toward thoughts put out by myself and others such as Ricky Eanes (I'm not gonna start on it) and other teenage writers that may have not studied the classics as much as he has. However, I can't fathom why people would want to snub Dean all over the place unless his attitude isn't just toward people like me, but toward everyone. Not to slander Dean in the slightest, he has been somewhat of a toward me and others. Less is known about Deborah and Judy. From the slight bits that I have talked to them they seem very intelligent in their reasoning and they are very polite and understanding. Not only that, they love Star Trek, which has absolutely no bearing here. Now, I ask you this. What reason would the two I just spoke about have to be mean to Dean? Obviously it's something I missed. Enough of that. BTN has grown into somewhat of a cult. Really. Most of the people that you see writing here and talking around about it are the ones that would be the most "popular" in this BBS community. Mark Maisel has grown into somewhat of a father figure for most of us. People crowd around the guy in awe during the parties and wonder why he is revered like that. Generally, it's because he's a nice guy. Other people you see are more eccentric but different in their own way, I guess. I would think about most of the people that also submit here and are prevalent around are in sort of their own division of the city. They do things differently than everyone else. There's just more to them, I suppose. Most people you see are involved in something that you don't see every day (Not saying that what they do is bad. It could be from drinking some kind of Gourmet Tea to practicing an obscure religion.) and they do things as a group. I can see these things. They usually talk to the same people. More and more debate grows over such things that go on at the infamous BTN gatherings and spurious ventures taken by several users that might decide to go to a movie (As such lately) and if one user wants to criticize another for something. Most of us can't take it. I can, however. And, Dean, if you will notice, not one paragraph in this article begins with "I" (posessive sense). So figure upon that for a moment. And such arguments over little things like CPU speed and preferences in coffee can get us in heated debates. Personally, I hate coffee and I use a 386sx 20, and I don't care if you have a 586 that will to 43 teraflops. I'm not gonna get mad over it. I think that most of us are just that kind that take pride in our work. We want to be the best. That's okay by me. A last point. A hidden system and network of friendships and relationships permeates our BBS community. I'm not going to point my fingers in any direction, but we have watched such things happen and we know. If you were to go to the mall, and see a well known user, you are probably going see another user with them. It's like that a lot of the time, from what I have seen. It's strange how users in this town do things with each other and talk to each other so much. It's almost confusing. I can remember paying Mark Maisel a visit a while ago and while I was there at least 5 different people were in and out of the house. Probably a normal day for him. Friendship in this world is something, I must say. This article's not here to bore you. I wrote it because I wondered about some of the stuff that's been going on behind the scenes lately. Maybe you've seen some of it too. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- SURPRISE! SURPRISE! by MoeDog.(TrekNut) StarDate Y161.253.1124 On board the Romulan destroyer "Consulate",on patrol of the Neutral zone, Sub-commander Talor strides confidently to the officer's mess to discuss the upcoming penetration of Federation space on a recon mission. "These missions were done frequently so Federation ship rotation could be monitored for possible use in the future.",Commander Talor thought to himself.He had not been discovered in his last three missions but that did not mean he would not be discovered this time. A buzzing chime sounds over the ship's intercom system,"Commander Talor, incoming message.Security level two." Talor uses his communicator on his belt,"Message received.",he says.He turns around a corner and passes the Cloak room where two Centurion guards stand watch.Talor proceeds to his state room where he sits at his terminal to answer the message. Talor enters the four level security code and is greeted with the face of Admiral Serus,"Greetings and salutations,Admiral.""As I to you Commander.",The Admiral says with respect."What is so important that you would have me break communications silence so close to the Neutral zone?" Talor says.The Admiral responds,"The Federation has a 'New Light Cruiser' which has just finished its testing period and is patrolling within ten days of your present position.You are ordered to gain as much knowledge of this new ship class as you can,then destroy it."Talor says,"Would this not be an act of war?". "Only if you fail,if you succeed we will deny that any of our ship's were on such a mission and that all of our ships were accounted for at that time frame.If you fail,they will find the wreckage of your ship and we will deny the existence of your ship and suggest that pirates may be responsible. "Admiral Serus replies. "You are instructed to proceed to Base station 42 and pick up some cargo that was taken from an Orion pirate ship,thus if you fail,the remains of the cargo will be found amongst the debris of your ship." "I will have the coordinates sent to you at the end of this transmission, do not fail commander.That is all."Admiral Serus sends the coordinates and the EOT code. Talor sits and thinks for a minute."The Federation will know the High Council ordered this course of action,but will not be able to prove it." Talor leaves his quarters and proceeds to the Officers mess for the briefing. "We will proceed cloaked at warp 3 until we are just outside of sector 212.Then reduce speed to half impulse and get an ECM fix on there scanner emissions.After we get a bearing we will reduce speed to quarter impulse and maneuver in front of them,then lie in wait for them to pass.Does anyone have any objections?".Pause,"No?,good.I want all phasors and torpedo tubes loaded,charged and holding before we get to sector 212. End of mission briefing." ------------------------ Time Index 263.1345 Captains log NCC 708 Alverda: Day twelve of boarder patrol and nary a peep of activity. I've authorized more movies this month than I thought ever existed.We need something to kill the boredom,I wish we were exploring new territory.I'll never see that in this NCL though. Only Cruisers are big enough to venture far enough away to find anything no one has seen before. --End Of Entry-- "Keep same course and speed lieutenant."Captain Metzler ordered. "Weapons officer,long range scan of Neutral zone.Maybe we'll catch some one with their pants down."Metzler said. After a few minutes,"Scan shows nothing sir". "I'll be in the ready room if anything shows up."Metzler said. Time Index 263.1402 "Commander!,Federation ship bearing 279 mark 300,Range 1,000 KM. Scanner strength at 45.638 TeraWatts,return signal at 3.79 KiloWatts. We are not yet detectable,your orders?",the helmsman said. "Slow to quarter impulse,make a passive track and plot our course to intercept,Weapons officer,status." Weapons officer,"Phasors charged and online,two 'F' type plasma torpedoes and one 'G' type plasma torpedo charged and ready,shields at maximum." Commander Talor,"Good,execute course and stealth speed. Science officer,record all actions and readings.And when their shields are down I want a full scan." "As you wish Commander",the Science officer says. Time Index 263.1458 Helmsman,"We are in position Commander.The Federation NCL is 100 KM off our port side and closing,speed three quarters impulse." "Full stop,all stations report ready status.",Commander Talor orders. "All stations ready sir."The weapon officer reports. "Now we wait.",talor says. Time Index 263.1516 Helmsman,"NCL approaching within 40 KM,now 30 KM,now 20 KM." Commander Talor,"Uncloak!,lock weapons on target and launch torpedoes!" After the eight second lockon delay caused by uncloaking the Weapons officer announces,"Weapons lock! Firing all torpedoes!" After a one second pause and then the weapons officer says,"Torps away, locking phasors on target!" Talor,"Fire two phasors at target!" Weapons officer,"Firing phasors! Both direct hits on shield number two!" Talor,"Damage!" Weapons officer,"NCL shield down to 62.5%,torpedoes at 10 KM." The torpedoes take two seconds to travel the 20 KM range. Weapons officer,"Direct hits by all torpedoes!" Talor,"Damage to the NCL!" Weapons officer,"There is too much cascading energy to scan at this time." ----------------------- Time Index 263.1516 Onboard the NCC 708 Alverda the ships computer automatically raises the shields and sounds RED ALERT. Captain Metzler,"WHAT THE HELL!?".Metzler begins running to the bridge. Ten seconds later Metzler is in the corridor about to enter the bridge when three plasma torpedoes slam into the number one shield,collapsing it. The residual energy cascades across the hull of the ship destroying equipment and consoles at random.Metzler tries to get to his feet but more explosions keep knocking him down.After about ten seconds of explosions and a lot of creaking and groaning he finally makes it to his feet.Metzler enters the bridge and yells,"Damage report and status!" Weapons officer,"Damage as follows,shield number one down,number two still holding at 62.5%,three phasors out,two laboratories damaged,bridge damaged, all auxiliary reactors down,major hull damage,all shuttle bays damaged, drone missile launcher down,auxiliary control damaged,impulse engines at 25% batteries out,left warp engine at 91.6%,right warp engine at 68.75%, total power output at 68.75%,sensors damaged,Romulan KF5LR Destroyer off the starboard bow." Time Index 263.1517 Metzler,"Charge all torpedo tubes and get me some phasors up,helmsman come to 300 mark 020,speed one quarter impulse." Time Index 263.1517 Weapons officer,"Commander,scan completed.NCL has lost front shield, three phasors,auxiliary power,75% impulse power,26% warp power,drone missile launcher and has sustained major hull damage!" Talor,"Fire three remaining phasors!" Weapon officer,"Targeted and firing!" Weapon officer,"NCL shield number three down to 45.8%!" Talor,"Start charging torpedoes and phasors.Increase speed to half impulse,perform lagging pursuit maneuver,I want to stay behind them and reinforce shield number one by 30%." Time Index 263.1518 Weapons officer,"NCL decreasing to one quarter impulse,turning to 300 mark 020!" Talor,"Slow to one quarter impulse and fire all phasors!" Weapons officer,"Firing all phasors,sir." Weapons officer,"All phasors direct hits!" Weapons officer,"Damage to NCL as follows,one photon torpedo out,sensor's damaged,all phasors out,one transporter out,100% impulse power gone,100% auxiliary power gone,all labs out,one tractor out,right warp power down to 33.3%,left warp power down to 58.3%,shield number one and three down and shield number two holding at 62.5%!" Time Index 263.1518 Metzler,"Fire all phasors!" Weapons officer,"Romulan ship is in the starboard arc only,firing one phasor now,the other is damaged!" Weapons officer,"A direct hit!" Weapons officer,"Romulan shields holding!" Weapons officer,"Romulan ship firing phasors brace for impact!" The Phasors cut fissures across the NCL's hull causing a build up of static and kinetic energy to cascade over the ship destroying more components and equipment. Time Index 263.1519 Metzler,"Damage report!" Weapons officer,"One photon torpedo damaged,sensors damaged,all phasors damaged ,one transporter damaged,100% impulse power failure,100% auxiliary power failure,all labs damaged,one tractor damaged,right warp at 33.3%,left warp at 58.3%,shields one and three down,number two holding at 62.5%!" Weapons officer,"Three photon torpedoes ready!" Metzler,"Helm! Come around 180 degrees! Prepare to fire torpedoes!" Weapons officer,"We have no impulse power to maneuver with we must escape under warp speed!" Metzler,"Go to warp two and come around to 180 mark 180!" Time Index 263.1519 Talor,"helmsman stay behind them! Weapons! Charge phasors,status of torps!" Weapons officer,"Torpedoes charged to 80%,one minute to charge completion." Time Index 263.1520 Weapons officer,"Commander,NCL is turning about,speed increasing to warp one.They are crossing our path! I read three photon torpedoes ready. We have five phasors charged and ready." Talor,"Fire all phasors before they bring those torpedoes to bear!!" Weapons officer,"Firing all phasors sir!" Time Index 263.1520 Weapons officer,"Three seconds until Romulan ship is in our forward arc!" Metzler,"Prepare to fire!" At this moment the phasor's from the romulan ship rip through the Federation ship causing so much more damage added to the previous damage that the ship's internal structure buckles and collapses releasing the antimatter resulting in a terrific bright explosion disintegrating the whole ship. Time Index 263.1520.30 Weapons officer,"The NCL has exploded,front shield is at 65%." Talor,"Bring us around and dump a little of the cargo to make it look like they damaged the opponent they faced." Talor,"Fire some phasors at the debris we jettisoned to scar it,to make it more believable." Talor,"Then cloak and plot a course back to Romulus so that we may deliver the information we have gained here to day in person." Talor,"Execute orders now." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- SIG's (Special Interest Groups), Computer Related ------------------------------------------------- BEPCUG CCS Birmingham East PC Users Group Commodore Club South Jefferson Sate Jr. College Springville Road Library Ruby Carson Hall, Rm 114 2nd & 4th Tuesday (C64/C128) 3rd Friday, 7-9 PM 3rd Monday (Amiga) Paula Ballard 251-6058 (after 5PM) 7:30-10 PM BCCC BIPUG Birmingham Commodore Computer Club Birmingham IBM-PC Users Group POB 59564 UAB Nutrition Science Blg Birmingham, Al 35259 RM 535/541 UAB School of Education, Rm 153 1st Sunday (delayed one week 2nd and 4th Sundays, 2 PM if meeting is a holiday) Rusty Hargett 854-5172 Marty Schulman 967-5883 BACE FAOUG Birmingham Atari Computer First Alabama Osborne Users Enthusiast Group Vestavia Library, downstairs Homewood Library 2nd Monday, 7 PM 1st Saturday, 1PM Benny Brown 822-5059 Ed Purquez 669-5200 CADUB CAD Users of Birmingham Homewood Library 3rd Tuesday, 6:30PM-8:30PM Bobby Benson 791-0426 SIG's, Non-Computer Related --------------------------- BBC Birmingham Astronomy Club Blue Box Companions Subject: Astronomy Subject: Dr. Who Red Mountain Museum Annex Hoover Library 4th Tuesday, 7:30PM 1st Saturday, 2PM-5PM If you belong to or know of a user group that is not listed, please let us know by sending E-Mail to Barry Bowden on The Matrix BBS. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Known BBS Numbers For The Birmingham Area NAME NUMBER BAUD RATES MODEM BBS SOFTWARE SUPPORTED TYPE 1 Alter-Ego BBS 744-7733 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 1 Amiga Alliance ][ 631-0262 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 4 Arkham Asylum 853-7422 300-9600 USR DS WWIV 4.12 Baudville Node 1 640-4593 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Baudville Node 2 640-4639 300-2400 Oracomm Plus 10-=! Bloom County 856-0587 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 Bullseye BBS 942-9576 300-2400 Oracomm Plus 13 Bus System 595-1627 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 17 Byte Me! 979-BYTE! 2400-9600 USR HST WWIV 4.12 CM(ee) BBS Node 1 655-4059 300-2400 Oracomm Plus CM(ee) BBS Node 2 655-4065 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Camelot BBS 856-0679 300-2400 Telegard 2.5 136 Channel 8250 Node 1 744-8546 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 136 Channel 8250 Node 2 744-5166 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 9 Connection Node 1 854-9074 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 9 Connection Node 2 854-2308 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 9 Connection Node 3 854-0698 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 9 Connection Node 4 854-5863 9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 1 Crunchy Frog Node 1 956-1755 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 1 Crunchy Frog Node 2 956-0073 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 DataLynx 322-3425 300-2400 Oracomm5.L.30 Disktop Publishing BBS 854-1660 300-9600 V.32 Wildcat! 3.01 Downgrade Evolution 823-4858 1200-2400 Vortek 1.49 Empire 428-6074 300-2400 Image 1.2 F/X BBS 823-5777 300-2400 PC Board 14.5 12{ Family Smorgas-Board 744-0943 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Flip Side 798-3961 300-2400 Telegard 2.5i Graphics Zone Node 1 870-5306 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16) Graphics Zone Node 2 870-5329 300-9600 MNP4 TBBS 2.1(16) Hacker's Corner 674-5449 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Hardeman's BBS 640-6436 1200-2400 Wildcat! 2.55s 13 Hard Disk BBS 987-0794 300-2400 PC Board 14.5 2 I.S.A. BBS 995-6590 300-9600 USR HST Remote Access 13 Joker's Castle 664-5589 300-2400 USR HST PC Board 14.5 15 Little Kingdom Node 1 969-0007 300-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 15 Little Kingdom Node 2 969-0008 300-2400 MNP4 PCBoard 14.5 1- Magnolia BBS 854-6407 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.2 29 MetaBoard 254-3344 300-2400 Opus Missing Link 853-1257 300-2400 C-Net Myth Drannor 699-5811 1200-2400 MNP4 WWIV 4.11 Night Watch 841-2790 300-2400 TriTel 2.0 Optical Illusion 853-8062 300-1200 C-Net Owlabama BBS 833-7176 300-2400 GTPower 15.00 1 Owl's Nest 680-0851 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Paradise City 853-1439 1200-2400 PCBoard 14.5 Pooh's Korner 980-8710 300-2400 Safe Harbor 665-4355 300-9600 USR DS GTPower 15.00 Sperry BBS 853-6144 300-9600 Hayes PCBoard 14.5 1 ST BBS 836-9311 300-2400 PCBoard 14.2 Teasers 987-0122 300-2400 WWIV 4.20 2 The Bone Yard 631-6023 300-9600 USR HST PCBoard 14.5 The Commodore Zone 856-3783 300-2400 Image1.2 The Den 925-0707 300-9600 USR HST ProLogon/ProDoor 4 The Dragon's Hoard 833-3790 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 The Edge of Oblivion 520-0230 300-2400 WWIV 4.11 The Madhouse! 428-3061 300-9600 V.32 Telegard 2.5i 12378 The Matrix Nodes 1-4 323-2016 300-2400 PCBoard 14.5 12378 The Matrix Nodes 5-7 323-6016 2400-9600 USR DS PCBoard 14.5 The Monster 967-4839 300-2400 Telegard 2.5i 2 The Outer Limits 985-1725 1200-9600 USR HST Wildcat! 3.01 The Quiet Zone 833-2066 300-2400 ExpressNET 2@ The Round Table 938-2145 300-2400 Telegard 2.5i The Safety BBS 581-2866 300-2400 RBBS-PC The Word 833-2831 300-2400 WWIV 4.12 Willie's DYM Node 1 979-1629 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 2 979-7739 300-2400 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 3 979-7743 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Willie's DYM Node 4 979-8156 300-1200 Oracomm Plus Ziggy Unaxess 991-5696 300-1200 Unaxess The many symbols you see prior to the names of many of the bbs' in the list signify that they are members of one or more networks that exchange or echo mail to each other in some organized fashion. 1 = EzNet, a local IBM compatible network 2 = FidoNet, an international network, multi-topic 3 = Metrolink, an international network, multi-topic 4 = WWIV-Net, an international network, multi-topic 5 = Intellec, an international network, multi-topic 6 = Uni'Net, an international network, multi-topic 7 = ThrobNet, an international network, adult oriented 8 = ILink, an international network, multi-topic 9 = ADAnet, an international network dedicated to the handicapped 0 = USNetMail, a national network, multi-topic - = RIME, an international network, multi-topic = = TcNet, not certain at publication time ! = RF-Net, a national network, dedicated to amateur radio @ = 93Net, a national network, dedicated to the occult If you have any corrections, additions, deletions, etc., please let us know via EzNet.