______________________________________________________________________________ T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N || || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------ H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<< || || || || || \\ || // \\ CLOWN2BE.DBC E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #021-RT05 -- [03/10/92] ______________________________________________________________________________ A Commentary of Sorts #1: "Clowns TO BE Evil" ------------- by Random Tox When I was young, I wanted TO BE a scientist, like my father. I respected my father then, and I still do. Or at least I believe I do, whether or not reality says otherwise. I don't want TO BE a scientist anymore. I don't know what I want TO BE. I'd just like TO BE. Just that. ----------- Social Commentary: Phoo. Bhaz. Zevuum. Shingdanziowvizzianggg! Thank you for your time. ----------- I hate it when people ask me, "What do you want TO BE when you grow up?" Alive, dammit. What else? ----------- A clown once became a scientist in order to develop a healthier form of facial makeup for circus performers. He WAS tragically killed in a car accident a year later, on the verge of his big breakthrough. WAS he a clown or a scientist? If he WAS both, then I suppose he WAS a Clown- Scientist. But what if he WAS a Scientist- Clown? What if he also fixed shoes? A Cobbler- Clown- Scientist. He WAS also a human. He WAS alive. This would give him a long name. The only way to truly name him or at least identify him would BE with his DNA. Thus, all our DNAs ARE unique, (chances against that ARE beyond miniscule) we ARE all ourselves and cannot BE otherwise fully and accurately described or named with any accuracy. ----------- I think humans ARE too organized. This will lead to the eventual elimination of true freedom as we edge closer and closer to order and discipline. Hence, Disorder should BE introduced to society to lessen the aneristic damage by the world's orderlies. However, it must BE proactive chaos, so as to add to the value of the world. Almost every form of destruction IS out and out wrong. It is said that "We must first destroy before we can build." Deconstruct the old order, do not dsestroy it. Creation IS the greatest gift, whether it IS life or a plastic model of an orangutan. Order can portray the destruction of disorder as a positive thing. Thus, we try to make disorder as appealing as possible in an effort to thwart the controllers. There is both constructive and destructive order. Make the right choice. Good humour, my children. Good humour. ----------- With the advent of science, clowns have had one more thing to laugh at. Nobody WAS laughing at the Cobbler- Clown- Scientist- Human- Person- Male- RedHaired- Funny- Smart's funeral. (Sorry for the generalities.) ----------- Ricky felt like a happy little boy until the accident. In a splintering explosion of glass, metal, flesh and burned rubber, the car ended its temporal existence as a Hyundai, and resumed it as a multitude of flaming bits in the span of 23 seconds, at which time Ricky stepped on a rusty nail, contracted gangrene and died three days later when he cracked his head on a newly waxed hospital floor. ----------- I don't enjoy the presence of smelly people. I know that people can construe it as politically incorrect, and that it makes me "prejudiced" against unwashed bodies, but dammit... People who don't wash _reek_, and I don't like the stench of sweat and urea. ----------- Neither of the the above two paragraphs use the verb TO BE. Things can only BE what they already ARE. So the verb TO BE can effectively go into retirement. ----------- The Emergency Medical Technicians left the ambulance, toting Hefty(tm) Cinch Sacks, and proceeded to pull the various pieces of a scorched Scientist-Clown (and more....) from the damp, smouldering wreck of a Hyundai. A fire engine pulled out, its job done. A dark pool of water on the highway gave mute testimony to their work. A policeman stood and redirected traffic around the accident area. ----------- A noted linguist (I forget his name) developed what he calls "E-Prime." E-Prime consists of the english language, minus one thing... The verb TO BE. Besides that singular omission, E-Prime shares all of English's pecularities. Why do that? It forces one to rethink sentences before saying them, which can prevent rash remarks, and it clarifies speech in general (Use the "Active Voice" whenever possible). It forces one to take responsibility for feelings. The world doesn't have enough responsibility. I wish I had more responsibility. I wish I could speak E-Prime with ease. ----------- I just noticed that two paragraphs up, the verb TO BE WASN'T used. It WASN'T used in the above paragraph either. It IS used in this one, though. Sorry. ----------- Ricky hopped up and down in pain and tried to think of a way to explain his presence in the attic, where he had been searching for his father's Playboy Magazines. He decided not to tell his parents and ran to the bathroom where he soaked his foot in towels and crept into his room with a bottle of aspirin. He wriggled into bed, mumbling from the pain, and fell asleep after two hours of delirium from the pain. ----------- Leon Horowitz has little to say or do with any of this, but we'll mention him here. He IS a tired CPA. He makes good money, but feels no love for his job. He feels no love for anything. He IS too tired from work and worry. He simply comes home every evening and stares blankly at the television before falling asleep on his bed. His money IS useless, and happiness has eluded him. ----------- The Clown- Scientist- Cobbler- Human-(etc.) IS dead. Ricky IS dead. The verb TO BE. Are they the same? Which Ricky died? IS the reference made to *another* Ricky? Perhaps the Clown- Scientist's name WAS Ricky. Maybe the Clown- Scientist in the car wreck WAS a different Clown- Scientist- Cobbler- (etc.) than the aforementioned one. After all, positive DNA I.D. WAS never given. At any rate, they ARE dead, and I still don't care for the verb TO BE. ----------- There IS nothing more to say. Zeno's Paradoxes ARE clever, but silly. [This is our 21st text release. Hurrah for us. Whee. Be careful not to care. Durex does this primarily for our own entertainment and edification. Oh yeah, zpecial thanks to the Cult of the Dead Cow, my favorite tfile group, which was (and is) a major influence on all of us at Durex. - RT] _____________________________________________________________________________ (C)1992 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Random Tox All Rights Purely in the Group Mind of Durex. *** Turnex, the Blender that turns into a most powerful Vacuum Cleaner! *** The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours