______ ______ ______________ | | | | \ | \ / \ / ____ \ ______| | |________| | / \ | |____ | ________ | ( {} ) | _____) /~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | \____/ | |______ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ | |~~~~~~~ / \ / \ / | ~~~~~~~~~| | | | |______| |______| /_____________| | | | | | | | | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | | | | | | | | "The True Clash of the Titans" | | | | | | | | | | | | By: Psycho Santa | | | | | | \ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We've all seen the excellent movie "Clash of the Titans". No one ever told you about the OTHER clashes of titans...Now chronicled here. THOR.................The Norse God of Thunder vs. BARNEY...............The Dinosaur Bringer of Sharing ROUND ONE It begins... Thor had had enough. The song of the evil dinosaur Barney had driven him mad. Thor now knew that the purple atrocity must perish. Thor, bastion of courage, however, could not bear himself to face the horror face to face, so he, with tears in his eyes from accepting an act of cowardice, threw his mighty hammer Mjolnr, striking Barney directly in his purple spine. Barney reeled from the mighty shock, but was not badly hurt. Somehow, his legions of child worshippers gave him unearthly (even unAsgardly) powers of strength and invulnerability. He turned about and gave a mighty shriek. "That wasn't very nice at all, Thor. Maybe we should sing about sharing!", wailed the purple monstrosity. Barney lifted his voice in the monotonous chant of his followers: "I love you, You love me. We're a happy family! With a great big hug, And a kiss from me to you, Won't you say you love me too?" Then something happened that had never occured before in all of history: The mighty Thor fell to his knees in pain. That would've been the end of it, were it not for two voices: Baby Bop whined in her sing-song voice: "Get him Barney, he doesn't want to share his worshippers, so he must be PUNNNNNISHED!!" And then another voice: The voice of Odin the All-Wise, Thor's Immortal father, "Demons, begone! Torture not the Immortals of Asgard! Get thee gone!" With that, Thor had renewed strentgh. He sprung to his feet, and swung Mjolnr mightily, smashing it into Baby Bop's horrid face. A sickening crack is heard, and the Green Terror swung backwards. Another swing, and Baby Bop felt Mjolnr hit her tremendous gut, and her lunch spilling. Both the sordid cookies she fed to the minions, but also the bones of the children she devoured offstage. The secret was out. Baby Bop curled over in agony. Thor swung again, striking her face with inredible force. She, being too heavy to fly, fell backwards with a whine, and she whimpered as Mjolnr crashed again and again into her limp body. As he raised the mighty hammer for a coup de grace, Barney played another part in the titanic struggle. Thor had forgotten the second verse. "I love you, You love me. We're best friends as friends can be. With a great big HUG and a kiss from me to you, Won't you say you love me too?" Thor didn't fall again. He also didn't escape the Evil Purple One's wrath unscathed. Blood vessels in his eyes ruptured, making his eyes bloodshot and fearsome, many of his teeth exploded in puffs of flame and massive thundercracks, and his ears began to ring and ache. Thor mustered the will power to speak without shrieking in terror and agony. He spoke only these simple words: "Never, you demonic purple cur! Die the coward that you are!" Thor's charge was impossible to ignore, and Barney didn't even try. He swung backwards, groaning as Mjolnr shattered his purple reptilian snout. The hammer handle then struck the demon's knees. Barney fell to his belly, the gut his only support. Mjolnr crashed against the beast's head, and Barney fell. Thor moved with great pride as he reached over and tore the tail off of his fallen opponent. He held it up, shouting words of victory, all of them he could think of. He swung the tail around once, spraying bright neon pink blood over all of the scenery. "I stand victorius over the purple demon, and hold his tail as a trophy! Never again will he scourge the airwaves!" Baby Bop was not dead as was believed, but she simply could not fight any more. She feebly crawled off, plotting insidious revenge with each plop her obese and tattered body made upon impact with the ground. Thor just may live to regret his triumph. Epilogue: Baby Bop stood before her cauldron of evil magicks, chanting. She hadn't anticipated defeat, and the number of youth sacrifices required to restore Barney and build their strength was enormous. Millions of innocent (yes, innocent, even if they did worship Barney) preschoolers perished in the bubbling fluids, their last words numbering only three each: "I love you." Hours and hours of time passed, and millions of children perished, and then the spirit of the purple Sauron rose from his defaced and defiled body. His tail, still in Thor's possesion, wasn't recovered. Many scars upon many more stood out on his shattered face. His wounds alone were the only ones more impressive than his consort's. His teeth were broken and torn, his eyes bleeding and sagging in their sockets. His left arm hung loosely in its assigned place, threateningly pulling at the socket. His right arm didn't even attempt to appear useful. It merely sat and swung there, flapping in the breeze. He limped, switching legs occasionally. And his head wouldn't rest properly on his neck, instead lolling back and forth. Barney was no longer the cute, friendly (in appearance, he was always the Great Purple Satan of Backstage Molestation) thing he was. He was a haggard and bloodstained beast of the darkness, with only his friend and lover Baby Bop for help. Baby Bop was no spring pig either. Her flattened head now takes on general appearance of an anvil, but one with many dents and scratches. One eye is missing, the other hanging from its bloodied socket. Her tail thumps weakly on the ground, its twists and kinks hurting with a sharp, knifing pain. With one look into each other's remnants of eyes, the two swore revenge. A bitter and eternal revenge, only ending when Thor's lifeless corpse lay dead in Baby Bop's cauldron. GODZILLA DESTROYER OF TOKYO vs. BARNEY THE PURPLE ATROCITY Barney arose from the deep, dank cave and began to search for a victim. In order for a proper rematch against the thunder god, he must leave a calling card. Any mighty beast or immortal slain in battle was required by tradition. Barney headed directly for Monster Island, the most likely place to find an opponent. Godzilla was content. After destroying Tokyo and saving the world from some of the most despicable of the evil monsters, he thought he could rest on his hard-earned laurels. He was wrong. Barney stood at the entrance to the cave. He spotted the other mighty dinosaur, seeing an opportunity. He called out in challenge, shrieking the mighty beasts's name in indignation. Godzilla, although tolerant of most from mere mellowness, at first ignored the challenge, not wanting to shed blood in his mighty abode. Unfortunately for his plans of avoidance, the challenge repeated, this time more belligerent and demanding. This was too much for the ancient and majestic dinosaur, who then stood and accepted the challenge. He stomped the ground in threat, and walked towards his next meal. Barney now saw that he had challenged Godzilla, King Of Monsters. The title was a magnificent one, holding a great deal of respect if held well, or fear if abused. Barney was one who would abuse it to its fullest. He could taste the many sacrifices that would lay ahead if he won. Godzilla made the first attack, not pulling a punch. His massive tail crashed against the younger beast's ugly head, and a scaly elbow also came into contact with the purple mass of scar tissue. Barney, weak from his situation, followed with a punch, but the feeble attack was caught by his opponent, and several powerful knees crashed into the green gut, and then, as if Barney weighed nothing, Godzilla threw him a fair distance, and the purple one cracked the mountain with impact. Barney, realizing that his throat had been severely damaged in his earlier encounter, knew that his voice weapon would be powerless, so he hoisted a tree, and thrusted the trunk into Godzilla's gullet, and then spun around to bring the root end against the dignified lizard's head. The tree swung upwards, knocking several large and razor sharp teeth into the air. The tree's trunk swung then downwards, cracking the mighty monster's skull. Another swing knocked Godzilla over, bleeding and broken. Godzilla knew he had lost his first fight. He simply couldn't fight anymore. He wouldn't however, let his opponent away uninjured. He opened his mouth, and discharged a massive blast of his thermo-nuclear breath, and the Great Purple Satan was ignited. Godzilla passed into darkness with a sense of satisfaction. Barney saw no darkness, only flames... THOR NORSE GOD OF THUNDER vs. BARNEY KING OF MONSTERS ROUND TWO Thor spotted the flames from many leagues away, knowing at once, from mere instinct (although a god's instincts) that his opponent still stood. Thor set out at once for Monster Island. In an instant, the two eternal antagonists spotted each other. Both recognized the other, and the two charged into battle. Barney, cloaked in flame, and scarred beyond repair, now looked fierce and respectable. Thor, in full battle gear, and carrying Mjolnr, the mightiest weapon in existence, looked fearsome and majestic. The collision brought attention from every corner of the Earth, and many Immortals from Mount Olympus and Asgard were awakened. And Psilocibius, the Shroom God, was awakened from the depths of a trip induced by shrooms numbering in the thousands. This happened to make him angery, as this was an impressive number of shrooms, even for a god. All Immortals and Semi-Mortals came to see the epic struggle. Barney swung a massive flame-wreathed arm at Thor, who took the blow, and also began to burn. The two battle worn and flaming combatants were more impressive than many of the Immortal Wars combined. Mjolnr whistled as it flew into Barney's flaming face, now made soft and malleable from the fires, started by a thermo-nuclear reaction, and fueled by the flesh of an Immortal. His head molded to fit the hammer, which enraged him into a fury. Many a blur of purple struck the armor and skin of Thor, bruising and battering the mighty god of thunder. Mjolnr struck again, this time on the top of Barney's melting head, summoning a mighty thunderbolt, increasing the intensity of the flames. Only then did Godzilla awaken from the injury-induced darkness. THOR NORSE GOD OF THUNDER and GODZILLA THE DEFEATED vs. BARNEY OF THE PURPLE BURNING FLAMES Godzilla rose shakily to his feet, using his broken tail for balance. He opened his mouth, and the once feeble thermo-nuclear breath now withered the trees from its mere vicinity. However, Barney was struck directly. Barney, feeling the incredibly hot breath of an opponent thought dead, turned to face his new attacker, which proved to be a mistake. In fact, a fatal mistake. Mjolnr struck with all of the remaining strentgh of an infintely strong god. Barney's head exploded from the blow, spraying his black (It changed colors in his reincarnation, that WASN'T a continuity error) blood in all directions, as his body melted from the full force of Godzilla's breath. Risking nothing, Thor and Godzilla both immediately began fiercely attacking the corpse, making sure that it can no longer rise. The obese blob of a body is melting under the heat of a thousand suns, and is being forged into nothingness by the mightiest weapon in existence. No chances. Epilogue "YOU INSIGNICANT PATHETIC FOOLS!!!!" Baby Bop appeared in a flash of crimson light, furious. "YOU CANNOT DESTROY US!" She then grabbed Barney's unrecognizable body, and disappeared in another flash of the same crimson light. It took every last worshipper to raise Barney again, and many other children from other faiths were sacrificed, although they didn't hold as much power. Barney of the Purple Burning Flame was no more. Barney, Evil Incarnate rose from his predecessor's blob of molten flesh. His head is no more than a flaming, cackling skull, and the creamy-white teeth are now obsidian fangs of unholy sharpness and strength. His eyes are two flaming orbs, the only remnants of the dead eyes that children would look away from in awe and respect. His legs and tail no longer existed, replaced only with evil vapours and flame. His arms ended in 6-inch long razor sharp claws, venomed with the hatred of an evil spirit twice risen from Inferno by evil magicks. His voice no longer held the sweet poison that entranced millions. It is now a scratched, echoing apparition of pain. The playful antics were replaced by furious screams. No child would ever worship him again. He held sway only over demons and dark souls long corrupted. Barney, Evil Incarnate uttered a laugh, no longer the sickenly delightful giggle of before, but an insane and twisted cackle that perverted the soul with its merest whisper. THEATRE OF PURPLE AND CRIMSON: THE EVIL AWAKES Mjolnr shattered the boulder barring entrance to the lair of Baby Bop. Thor, with a host of other Immortals, entered with fury in their hearts and the extermination of evil in mind. Thor stood at front, followed immediately by Ares and Tyr, who stood shoulder to shoulder. Behind them stood Ra, the Egyptian god of light and the sun, Godzilla, defeated King of the Monsters and Poseidon, Greek god of the sea. The rear was held by Psilocibius, the Shroom god. Barney, taken by surprise, never had a chance to attack. Ra opened up a beam of holy light of extreme intensity. Barney shrieked as his evil spirit felt the light of the sun sear his very soul. Ares' spear tore open Baby Bop's chest, and she shrieked in terrible agony, uttering a thousand curse's in one breath. Barney, in agony and sensing his defeat, grabbed Baby Bop, and pulled her into the evil cauldron, while she uttered a brief incantation. In the fury of battle, Thor lept in immediately, helmet first. Tyr followed quickly, as well as Ares, who wouldn't leave this battle unfinished. Godzilla had to squeeze and shove himself in, while Poseidon grabbed Psilocibius, who was standing there confused (he still wasn't firmly back in this world). OUTWORLD: THE CHASE Most of the gods groaned in pain passing through the planar portal, feeling their Immortal bodies and souls being pulled through a strainer. Psilocibius not only looked unhurt, he seemed to have enjoyed the trip. "How in the name of Hades did you go through without the slightest pain, Fungus-thing?" Ares snapped angrily, his mood fouled by the pain of the dimensional shift. "Simple, you over-warred imbecile! I am used to reality shifts, although I prefer smaller ones. The dimensional travel seems to also pulled me firmly into a single plane as well. Learn to enjoy things, guys!" the god of shrooms responded smugly. "Enjoy it? Never since the Fenris Wolf bit off my hand has something hurt that much! I think Godzilla over there barely survived!" Tyr replied, stretching his aching muscles. Everyone turned to look at Godzilla. While everyone was complaining about how much they were hurting, they forgot that Godzilla wasn't an Immortal like the rest. He floated limply, groaning. Sometimes, he would wheeze instead of groaning. He was bleeding at the mouth. Godzilla awoke, aware only of his pain at first. A loud, thundering roar issued from his pained jaw, and Poseidon, who was about to attend to the lizard found himself momentarily deafened. Seconds later, the rest of his conciousness returned, and he snarled. The chase must continue. Seemingly hours of time passed as they tracked and pursued their hated enemies, stopping only to track the smoke left behind by Barney. Without the ground to leave footprints, tracking in the Outworld is difficult, especially when tracking someone who is trying very hard to avoid being found. Barney, still clutching tightly at Baby Bop's hand, was flying at a tremendous speed. He was still aching from Ra's burst of light, and another encounter wouldn't please him in the slightest. The bizarre scenery of the Outworld passed in a blur. He knew he was being hunted, and he was very determined to be difficult prey. Or at least find a spot for an ambush, but it would have to be under extremely favorable conditions, because he also knew what kind of opposition he was facing. He then spotted his site, just short of being too tired to be able to fly at that speed much longer. Now he could rest and wait. Ra was acting as a flashlight for the troop, illuminating the dim Outworld. Suddenly, without the slightest of warning, the smoke trail ended, and the Immortals and monster had lost their prey. What they didn't know, was that they went from hunter to hunted in one brief instant. Barney sprung out, tearing a large gash across Ra's face. Baby Bop fired a powerful magic spell, striking Ares powerfully. Barney, seizing another opening, ripped Ares' spear arm, but in doing took a mean blow from the spear. Poseidon managed to hit Baby Bop with a tidal wave before being struck by a ball of flame from her hateful mouth, created by a spell of evil. Baby Bop, who was now confident in her abilities with magic, began to open up a devesating spell, one which could potentially kill the entire group, even though they are Immortal. A ball of negative energy began to form between her hands, which were held above her head. Psilocibius, who is considered by most Immortals to be only a demi-god, and by all as not very tuned in to this reality, was expected to be nothing but a burden to the party of Immortals. However, were it not for an inredibly skilled action, the Immortals would be permanently trapped in a negative universe. The shroom god moved with startling speed, lunging towards Baby Bop, and spraying what appeared to be a fine powder from his hands. The powder was in fact millions upon millions of spores, which Baby Bop inhaled. She began coughing and wheezing, and then shaking. She then began screaming in utter terror, causing her to badly mispronounce her spell. The ball of negative energy fell on her, and she was consumed by the negative energy, never to see this universe again. With the banishment of Baby Bop, Barney lost most of his power. He attempted to make up for it in fury, but the entire fight became futile after the loss of Baby Bop. Mjolnr struck again and again, and a ball of the purest light opened up around Barney. The unholy screams were more than simple agony, they were the dying screams of a soul so evil that it cannot even be accepted by Hades, for fear of usurping power. Poseidon, hearing the horrible scream, struck with a tidal wave. Ares thrust his spear many times into the writhing demon, and Godzilla was breathing his thermo-nuclear breath into the spirit of a dying wraith. Psilocibius summoned the Fungipygmies, who stabbed again and again with their cruel daggers and spears. And then Barney no longer lived. His soul, pierced and withered and hammered, imploded, and then, absorbing all of the energy directed into it, exploded in a wave of terrible evil force. The Immortals were launched back into their own seperate planes, while Godzilla was launched through all of the planes, only eventually landing at home. The Fungipygmies were under Psilocibius' power, and were banished with him. Never again would Barney taint the Earth. Aftermath Thor, absorbing incredible amounts of damage from the explosion, was forced to remain in Asgard for centuries, while Tyr was only mildly wounded. Poseidon's body was destroyed, and he is still re-forming himself. Ares came off in better shape, although he is still bed-ridden and ill. Ra, being as powerful as he is, was only crippled for a decade or so, and is still guiding his people. Godzilla, having been part of Barney's death, regained his title, although he still sits at home healing. Psilocibius' wounds were all psychic injuries resulting from Barney's screams of death. He has nearly totally put himself in the Land of Else, although he comes back on occasions. The Fungipygmies continure life as normal, although they are now heroes among the mortals. Baby Bop still wastes away her eternal life in a negative universe, waiting for anyone - anything else to appear to break the boredom, or perhaps free her. Barney's spirit is finally laid rest. May he never return. -----------------------, | GreEEeeeEtzzzz: |_______________________________________ |_ HD: What? You're actually reading some of HOE's work? WOW! |_ Mogel: EEeeeeeek! I wrote something! |_ ASCII Express: When dat new version of CN gonna come out, man? |_ Deadpool: SHROOOOOooooooOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOoooooMMMiEZZZ! |_ Reefer Madness: Just cuzza the handle... |_ Zorro: DAMMIT, I am NOT a 44 year-old homo with a voice changer! | Abigwar: Poetic Terrorist Rulziez, man! | Adol Silvaron: Someone's gotta drive me INsAnE, might as well be you! | | | Hey! YeR a LaMeR uNlEzZ YoU KaLL The North Pole! | SysOp: Psycho Santa | (307)778-2096 | BONG Distro, HOE Distro, No ^@%# Warez! | ___________________________________________________________________________| SHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIEEEEEZZZZZ!!! |=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=| | Mogel-Land........2157323413 /I'm a PiG\ Paranoia Subnormal.2153395831 | | Hacker Crackdown..2159451907 |H )\@_@/( P| Stellar Nights.....6108969140 | | T.E.K.A.T.........9088132738 |o ( (o) ) i| phunkyphatphreashphunkphunk!! | | I Forget..........6105448001 |G <_O_> G| the NEXT generation | | / 11/27/94 All rights Reserved.