$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #199 $$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt. $$$$P $$$$ x$$$$ $$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$. $$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$ $$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$' $$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P' $$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %% $$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %% >> "POETRY EXPLOSION!" << by -> Various Artists ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This issue is jam-packed full of good, bad, funny, pointless, strange, and absolutely horrible verse... all for your reading pleasure! Can *you* tell which is brilliant and which is completely stupid? We DARE you. This issue features h0etry from the following authors: abc, aster, captain bovine, girlie18, hrothgar, jane, jook, jubjub, kaia, kraftwerk, kurdt, lumpy, melvin kumar, mogel, mooer, moonbagel, murmur, muze, neko, nevin, ogre de latoya, pezmonkey, quarex, sighrik, styx, swisspope, and trilobyte. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "The Evil Comes" - by abc (aster's brother!) When the evil comes, The good will run. Far from home, They are alone. They cross the great ocean far, To find a route towards a small star. A shark lays down its good life, To take out the King of Good's wife. They land at the northern shore, To find many tales of lore. The first is of a great king, The second telling of many things. The Wind, The Water, The Fire, The earth, And finally, above all, the tale of great birth. When the Evil first came, The Good fled to a new claim. They went west, then north, Then landed till Evil came forth. They waited one generation, Then the Evil started a new station. There soldiers filled the distant land, And the Good's journey began again. The Good will travel for many days, Never stopping till the air grays. When the reach that stingy place, The Evil will kill them, leaving no trace. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "joe" - by aster Hi my name is joe I have no foe so call me moe I think I might have an infected toe and when they complain about the rain I just say so? and yet they're still insane or is it I that needs a cane to hold me up from the pain of that toe or is it moe? that drives me mentally insane My head is big (so's my toe) I wish it would not grow tied it with a big red bow and wore some sandles to let it show and I decided to walk down the lane in the rain and drives me mentally insane ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "4 those who'll never know" - by girlie18 WHO CAN TELL ME HOW TO FEEL WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT TO SEE THOSE WHO TRY TRY IN VAIN FOR THE ONLY EYES THAT TOUCH MY SOUL ARE CLOSED TO HIDE THE PAIN ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "some things i'll never understand" - by girlie18 i'm easily confused by human emotion its complex thoughts so much commotion just for once i'd want to know why i feel so damn low so someone teach me to get away have some fun seize the day lose my thoughts find myself exit from this private hell forget about the days gone by only know... don't ask why ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Save Me" - by Hrothgar Save me From myself Take the knife And take the gun Turn around, and run Because if you come back. Who knows I might yack If you don't take the knife and run. There, I just wrote a poem for you, Mogel. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "A Poem" - by Jane (head editor of the e'zine "Seductive Monkey Poses" [SMP]) when we live in a world where suicide is handed to us and love is so imposible to many death is also welcomed when power is craved because we think it will take us places the man standing behing you has never gone. no one cares if they love before they die. death is also welcomed in a world like this. when technology is the key to the future that is so much worse than the past in a world like this, living is considered dying. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "grrl = green pees" - by jook i werk all day on eyearecee to get de best warez so i can get my girl real nice green pees green pees, green pees i hear the horns i must be in vegas counting cards is it legal? just as long as i can get my girl real nice green pees i hear the rattle i must be back in 'nam they didn't give us pees in nam, not green or even blue but once i got back from 'nam i ate pees so did my girl, she ate real nice green pees ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "i gotta go" - by jubjub fish like to say glubglub fish are squishy in my pants they make me want to dance my schoolmate patrick has a big butt when i play miniature golf i like to putt time for a liverwurst sandwich hillary clinton sure is a bitch (not really) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Varmints" - by Kaia Nuggy's daily life revolves round sippin' fruit tea and weasel huntin', two pastimes common to the hooligans in town. Cause down by the Heaven candy factory on Main, the brewin' comp'ny offers eighty-three cent per weasel head All in (secret) One rumor is that the beer company uses weasel in its special brew. I also heard the gestapo might be payin' off the beer factory to help cut down on, you know, the town's bad rap for Dugster and his geetars that use weasel guts for strings. But it's like, What come first, the geetar or the egg? And so on Mondays we take our sacks of varmints and gather round the big door and pass 'em one-by-one through the letter-slot, and they send back the dough through the same hole, no questions ask. Then we hop over to Mungo's to pick up his candy, so by the time we hit Heaven, man, it's like, we livin' in Wonka-land, close your eyes and all the girls and the Ooompaloompas be dancin'! One day we decide to play a little joke and after passin' all the weasel through the hole we stick a fucking neon light-stick through and follow it wit' some Cheese Whiz and there's no reaction. So we take turns takin' a piss through the door and Harvey can force himself to puke so he did that and the smell was so bad that three more of us puked through the door and then Crisco stuffed in pictures of his ex-girlfriend who broke all ten commandments at once and then we stopped and ran for dear life. We ran to Mungo's and he gave us the candy and we continued running and we were running into lightpoles and running on top of each others' tails and the weasels were on our tails and we became weasels and it began raining raisins and books became crooks and the suns became guns and i felt myself being shot and scooped up and dead and shoved through a hole crusted with fur and piss and vomit and ex-girlfriends' snatches and then i felt my head being liquefied and my brains were poured into a brown glass bottle and shipped to New Jersey, where all the wild zings are. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Ode to Hooker" - by Kraftwerk Oh hooker, H is for the happiness you bring us. Oh hooker, O is for the obfuscation that you cause us. Oh hooker, O is for the op's that you give us. Oh hooker, K is for the k-rad way in which you give us your love. Oh hooker, E is for the endearment that you have in our hearts. Oh hooker, R is for the rainy days that you make brighter. Oh hooker, you have a special place in our hearts. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "an aardvark meets the pope" - by kraftwerk the aardvark crawled slowly through the night and the people, they were absorbed with fright it waddled over to the giraffe and it asked "can I stick this in your ass" not waiting for an answer the aardvark started to prancer it shoved a stick up it's butt and calmly said, "now I go to put" so the aardvark went to the green where it was waiting to be seen it took up a putter and put on a crupper being so lazy, it sat on the grass he heard the bell toll "it was time for mass" he sat on the pew drinking his Dew along came the pope, with some soap on a rope he went up to the cross and bellowed that god was 'boss' the service was done and the aardvark was dumb for the giraffe came and found him and pulled the stick out of his ass he danced a quick jig and ate a big fig it stepped on the aardvark said something like "fart fart" and sat down for a nap. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "mockery" - by kurdt i don't wonder why anyone makes fun of what goes on here, but i've got the common sense to not even waste my time, making fun of what goes on here *in fact* i wouldn't waste my time making fun of you, for making fun of what goes on here. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Ode to Shadow Tao" - by lumpy When you kick me out of your internet relay chat channel, And im forced to come back from a different hostname, and ask you why youre such an angry little man, you always get fed up and start cursing... and it makes me wonder if when you were a little boy, kids would poke fun at you and make you cry, because mister tao, when you kick me off of irc, i no longer feel like the irc warrior ive always aspired to be. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Very Painful" - by Melvin Kumar (this little gem was discovered by mooer!) Acting strange, thats what i am, when i am with you, I want you, I need you, I can't show it to you, I yearn for you, I say i want to kiss you we both laugh and tease but my heart yearns for that kiss... those sweet lips... I feel so happy when you're near me.... I act so diffrent..I feel so differnt... I need you but I can't have you... If i had a last dance with you.... I won't....I won't..... It hurts.... ti kills.... to remember the last moments... I know... I've being there... Do you know.... I'm dying for you.... If only you know... Actor as I am... Nights pass by... but never a day.. without me thinking of you.. Why? You're unreachable... I know then... I know now... I love You. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "my baby's got sauce" - by mooer (dedicated to eerie!) when you put your feet in my mouth up on the desk the urgency of cezanne's angst eats fibers out of the air what, pray tell has bulbous tumors of rot have in store for me to buy like a gunshot to the head with a baby flashlight and so, you say that you have millions of years to hear my story well, babydoll, you ain't got that funk up your arm chills, short sleeves can't hide shit the papal turbine of hate churns out smooth butter to grease you up and slide you out like sugar on the cupcake and that is why the dryer is a wetter. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "i think i lost steam on the second one" - by mooer (dedicated to two stuffed bunnies!) tears of anger hunger like the desert cactus on a camel your kantian disinterest makes my smile melt falling into the robust yogurt culture of the tribe trivialize my hurt, laugh at my pain, you asshole you might as well rip my right tentacle into two parts of the play i call the act of my life bite the fuzzy wavelength that makes the bored spin around in a violent circle the blood swirls. shallow pirates make way in the deep waters of my caribbean soul. nevertheless, your birthday does not excuse the rubber on your head. quit bouncing. fornicate in the crib, it's the shit. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "My Third Grade Genius" - by MoonBagel There once was a bird named Fred He fell out of his nest on his head He was severely brain damaged He had to be bandaged That stupid old bird named Fred ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Don't Eat The Paste" - The Original - by Captain Bovine i changed me web page but then I was awoken by VERY LOUD METALICA i think my sister did it silly girls I can rhyme even though it's kinda wacked because I forgot to change some small things 'mono' in Spanish means 'cute' and 'monkey' Kierkegaard was Danish naughty i'm the only one who finds me funny they used to make me feel stupid, but they don't anymore sex does that to people it's hard to do we should talk about cute things and monkeys we'll start when I think of something good to say it's hard to do I can speak crap better than I can type crap you are so silly. mean and silly. ooh, maybe I get to watch you crash reboot!! you're good for other things pOOp and cookies and a keyboard condom ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Don't Eat The Paste" - The "Don't Cut with Scissors, Mooniegirlwhoiscool?" Remix - by MoonBagel we'll start when I think of something good to say no.. i'd use protection silly girls I can rhyme i don't know who to put that I love, katie. i changed me web page i think my sister did it i'm the only one who finds me funny I can speak crap better than I can type crap 'mono' in Spanish means 'cute' and 'monkey' and a keyboard condom because I really shouldn't attempt to draw a monkey we should talk about cute things and monkeys ooh, maybe I get to watch you crash Kierkegaard was Danish sex does that to people and cookies even though it's kinda wacked because I forgot to change some small things it's hard to do naughty it's a funny word but then I was awoken by VERY LOUD METALICA Drew's not on? they used to make me feel stupid, but they don't anymore you're good for other things you are so silly. mean and silly. reboot!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Don't Eat The Paste" - The "Samsara Maybe Never" Remix - by Mogel naughty naughty naughty they used to make me feel because i really shouldn't when i think of something good. ooh, maybe i get to watch you watch you it's hard to do i forgot to change. sex does that to people. silly girls. i can rhyme, it's kinda wacked. I was awoken by VERY LOUD METALICA and cookies, it's a funny word... you are so _silly_. mean and silly. the only one who finds me funny. ooh, maybe I get to watch you I get to watch you I get to watch maybe I get to watch you maybe I get to watch get to watch you maybe I get to watch you ...crash. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Don't Eat The Paste" - The "Wanna Go Home Bad" Remix - by Nevin, a 8-year-old boy that Mogel's parents are babysitting right now. Kierkegaard pOOp sex Kierkegaard when I think of Kierkegaard pOOp sex Kierkegaard maybe I can rhyme but it's hard to do anyway you're good for other things anyway Kierkegaard we'll start when I think silly girls shouldn't attempt to draw silly girls I love Spanish sisters who finds me funny and 'cute' because I can speak crap better, even though it's kinda wacked no.. i'd use me web page when I think of something good to say. I can type crap. katie and Drew: make naughty cookies and reboot!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "may ye all be leahy" - by murmur (a villanelle, even) i do not have to heed the words you preach but i will not deny your right to say you best not try to regulate my speech you try to educate; you try to teach but exon, d - nebraska, joined the fray we do not have to heed the words they preach to jail me for the files that i leech is just your quest; my rights to rest you lay you should not try to regulate my speech we can not see the wit of chong and cheech? we can not hear the streat-smart speak of dre? why should we aim to heed the words you preach? i can not send the lyrics file for _bleach_ the sys admin will not allow today why do they try to regulate our speech? our rights as citizens you choose to breach closed-mindedness is forcing us to pay but i won't heed the words the law does preach oh no, you will not regulate my speech. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "buenos sartenes" - by murmur !cuando te veo ( when i see you no puedo hablar, pero i can not speak, but deseo que poder! i wish that i could! ) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "I Confess" - by Muze I confess to being a girl for being so stupid for not doing as I should I confess to not thinking of you for changing my mind for saying I'm sorry I confess to falling in love for needing you here for not letting you go I confess to struggling for my best effort for it not being enough for you for giving up on myself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "God's Pee" - by Neko Kickin' it old school In a swimming pool Bust a fucking jam Make all the punk ass suckers drool Like back in the day When Naughty by Nature sang Hip hop hurray Looking for porn at 3 in the morn Tugging and jerking Eating some gherkins that I bought at the store from my bitch, she's a whore Surfing on the net My pants is all wet And this rap is boring And the rain is pouring Down on me Yo, is rain really God's pee? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Ogre's Brain" - by Ogre De Latoya #include void main (void) { int food; int sleep; int fun; long sight; long sound; long touch; long taste; while (!dead) { if (food < HUNGRY) getfood(&food); if (sleep < SLEEPY) getsleep(&sleep); if (fun < BOREDOM) getfun(&fun); sight = checkvision(); if (sight == SUCKS) printf("That sucks.\n"); else printf("That rocks.\n"); sound = checkhearing(); if (sound == SUCKS) printf("This sucks, change it.\n"); else printf("This rocks.\n"); taste = checktongue(); if (taste == SUCKS) { spitout(food); printf("Eeew\n"); } else { swallow(food); printf("Werd\n"); } } } ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "my uncle" - by pezmonkey it's all about sex says my uncle because he likes sheep a lot. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "HAIKUS THAT QUAREX WROTE IN 3RD GRADE" - by Quarex The Fluffy Puppy Smashes Hard into a Tree Hee Hee Hee, it's Dead The Big Snowball Fight The Weak Guys are Getting Slammed People are Dying ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Accidental Merge" by Quarex Eggrolls and Broomsticks and Forebones on Narwhals Reload that shotgun and pick up those snowballs This is the future of combat This is the third bloated wombat Drop a lemur Break your femur Shattering bones is my cup of tea. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "a light in the darkness" - by sighrik waves of electrons, waves of emotion irc is an island and i am a boat-- sinking water flooding in flooding flooding sinking flooding flooding sinking dying and then there's a beacon like another boat--not sinking--floating--coming saving a voice in the waste coming clearly "hi i'm a bot. god invited me here." salvation like jesus christ out of the ocean the bot that likes you was there noppa ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "open wide" - by styx you little shit your words are like precum slow and incomplete and ineffective i look forward to you bleeding on my dick when i introduce it to your colon it will be fast and complete and effective and will make you walk like a retarded little duckling and all the boys in school will ask you why you are walking like that and you will have to say that you fell off your bike or something funny like that you little shit you can never own up to anything not even justice ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "My First Sexual Encounter" - by Swiss Pope The study session for math was coming to a close, I packed up my books and from my chair I rose. Pushing back my glasses, I spot something from the corner of my eye, What's this?!, me thinks, it's a bonnie lass that I spy! Mustering up my courage, I approach the desk where she sits, "Would you like a ride home?" I stutter in my nervousness. She looks up at me with her big brown eyes, "Hmm.. Allright" she says with a sigh. Leading her through the door, we trudge to my car. With a wink, I assure her that my Camaro is not far. Her eyes light up and she pulls to me closer. "I really admire a man whose car is something to show for." She hops into the backseat and caresses the leather interior. Shifting into first gear, I demonstrate that the acceleration's superior. Faster! she squeals as I cruise down the street, When the speedometer hit 70 I knew I was in for a treat. I felt her hands as she ran them through my hair, Then she unbuttoned her blouse and revealed her nice pair. "Damn! This chick's titties are fine!" I think, keeping my cool. The car sped up even faster as we listened to Tool. This was a dream of a lifetime for me, the 300-lb fat guy loner, There was a hot chick on my lap, stroking my boner! She looked into my eyes; lustfully licked her lips I smoothly slid my hands on her curveaceous hips. She softly whispered something into my ear, Unfortunately, the music was too loud for me to hear. Nonetheless, I knew it was something good So I slipped my hand down her pants and touched her clitoral hood. She kept rubbing my dick-- my nut was gonna bust! That would surely be the end of this evening of lust! I took a quick right turn; pulled into a gas station nearby, For I knew that the herb Ginseng would be found inside. "Wait here!" I said as I zipped up my pants, I ran into the store after giving her one last glance. Through the aisles I frenzied, anxiously looking for the magical root That would guarantee at least one more hour until my sperm would shoot. When out in the parking lot I heard a deafening roar That bitch peeled out in my red sports car! I ran outside and chased her for a couple of yards, But I knew that all was lost. I was such a tard. A wino approached me and laughed. As if my ordeal was funny! Like a philosopher he said, "Life ain't nuttin but bitchez 'n money." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "god's green platter" - by trilobyte eat your coffeecake, wafers and wine as insects hide between the lines. long since dead, but corpses remain -- reminders of ancient social strain. take from the plate what is given to you ignore what the world has been trying to prove stray from the flock but in a minute or two you'll promptly be shoved back into the groove. so dish out shit for whom you serve. drink your coffee and spread your word. but be aware that some observe your food still reeks of age-old turd. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "peace & happy" - by trilobyte another cuddly judge makes life miserable for a scraggly, prickly individual who was trying for peace & happy. supreme powers metamorph to belittle with the backing of the pope and the law. it's the end of justice, end of happy for us all! time to run from the mystic for he's the one with the not-dead goo, blasphemic divine intentions, stinky foul breath from ages of spewing poisonous elastic jargon. walk in the park and endlessly changing directions -- right, wrong, left, north -- with the compass of a corpse -- and the morals of a convict and friends follow closely behind! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "punishment to the wine drinkers" - by trilobyte still open to suggestions? it's time to change your mind. from one percent to two percent you're lurking in the rain with parachutes and combat boots you microwave my shame. for seven years i've left the corn to rot out in the dew; but still i don't kill chickens when they doodoo in my shoe. come in, the part that doesn't rhyme to fill some empty space. the reader of this horrid poem should now prepare their mace! iggly gobbly goo, juniper grows with the yew. trees have lots of leaves to keep some shade for my old jew. because how once you ate my dignity the gull will never know. but he will get real fidgety if frozen in the snow! nonsense is but glue to me (your shoe has come untied) so i plead for my lobotomy to end this crazy ride. hide! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "stove top" - by trilobyte this is entitled "stove top." minimalist version put your chicken on the pan chicken on the pan with some stove top stuffin'. stove top stuffing runnin from the law with running from the law your easy-bake oven. easy bake oven i don't understand who who, what, where could beat you like a muffin' beat up muffin when all you're tryin' to do you do is to spread a little lovin'. spread love. my friends 'n me been tryin' we try hard to get you out free to play but our dice-throwin' skills monopoly ain't what they used to be but we suck so skedaddle over here so come here and slop up some grease help us cuz livin' ain't easy when we're dying you're dealin' with POLICE. of death. hey dj, cut the bass. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- * (c) HoE publications. HoE #199 -- written by Various Artists -- 1/26/98 *