'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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  ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #465 !!
  #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS!  !!
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  ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Urges of Sexual Gratification"          !!
  ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Miasma                             !!
 ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/27/99                                  !!
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        I don't exactly have any form with this thing... it hasn't been
 thought out and planned and all that good stuff.  It's more of a rant
 than anything... but I'm trying to make a statement so I guess it'll
 have to do.  The subject i'd like to discuss with you all today is that
 of urges for sexual gratification.

        See, it's 2 days before I go back to college, this being the
 second part of my freshman year.  I knew college would be this great
 force that would direct and change how I felt about myself, others, and
 things in general.  However, it didn't do this the way I thought it
 would.  I tend to find myself a respectable young man... I have my own
 morals, and years of depression have caused me to be introspective and
 highly analytical.  I don't smoke, don't really drink, and don't do any
 drugs.  I'm a good little boy... I used to think that nice guys finish
 last.  Anyhow, let me get back to the topic.. urges of sexual
 gratification.

        See.  This past semester, I've hooked up with 5 separate females.
 Lemme define 'hooked up' since I've found that different parts of the
 world consider this different things.  To me, hooking up is usually
 going at least a little passed kissing.  Now, before this little episode
 up at college, I had only fooled around with like 2-3 other individuals.
 The fact that I fooled around with 5 separate females actually bothers
 me.

        I used to have very low self-esteem.  Was very insecure about my
 body, hell.. I wouldn't go swimming in florida because I disliked
 taking off my shirt.  But now I'm cool with it.  Hell, I'm close to
 posing nude.  Why? Because an attractive female wanted me, physically.
 I think that's pretty sick.  I was always one who wanted relationships,
 you see.  I never had a relationship.  Something that was on equal terms,
 where you saw eye to eye and you enjoyed the company you had.  Everything
 I did I did because I caused it to happen.  Hell, when I was 14 I got my
 first kiss because I was thinking "hey, I'm 14.. and I haven't really
 kissed a girl yet.. what the fuck?!".  So what did I do? I went out..
 found a girl that was attracted to me.. and after awhile we kissed.
 Didn't mean much.  Bleh.  This is getting into more of a confession than
 an article.  Let me try to steer this back to topic once again.

        Why is it that we have this urge for sexual gratification?  Even
 when our conscious minds want a relationship.  I see frat parties going
 on where females will actually make a job of it to sleep with as many
 men as they can that night.  Fuck, that's sick.  And what about the
 guys? Same goal.  The whole purpose of frat parties is to have an excuse
 to get people under the influence so you can score with as many people as
 possible.  Sick fucking shit.

        Is the instant gratification so powerful that we cannot control
 ourselves? And the fact that even instant gratification is received that
 we desire more of it... why does this now plague me? I felt I was secure
 in this area.  I thought it was simple to control this urge to just 'hook
 up'.. because we all realize that it doesn't mean anything the next day.

        What scares me the most is that I don't see the harm in hooking up.
 If its just physical, and both persons participating know this.. then
 what is the problem? The answer 'because it doesnt mean anything' just
 doesn't do it for me anymore.  Now if I don't believe its wrong.. why do
 I have this inherit feeling that I shouldn't be doing it.. 'it doesnt
 mean anything' .. 'so fucking what' I reply to that.  *sigh*... mebbe
 this is just a cry for help instead of an article.

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 !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!   HOE #465, WRITTEN BY: MIASMA - 1/27/99 !!