[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #830 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "Switching Gears" 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 888 888 888 888 888 " by Oregano 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 9/20/99 o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] I just wanted to let her know. I wanted her to know and I used too many words and I talked too fast and my thinking is coming too fast, the words are there too much and it is like I am not telling her what I think but part of what I feel but even that is all hidden and I can only talk about music and not what has opened up inside me. I was sad. That was not long ago. Maybe a week ago I was sad and now there are too many words and thoughts but it is good, I am thinking a lot, lots of thoughts all the time, thoughts and feelings are there. I see how I was not feeling before and now it is all feeling and I like her music. I did not, I mean I must not have tried before, or maybe I was closed up like a bathtub stopper. But now the stopper came out of the tub but the tub flowed from reverse, the water came out of the drain and filled up and now I am full and, wait, too much, I need to tell Kyra how I feel. Kyra told me I was too sad and I was and I may still be but I am really happy and have so much energy but I am also sad and it is not like Kyra likes me but she'll talk to me and I like to talk to Kyra. (and I like to stand in air, far from the ground) But Kyra likes psychedelic music and I guess I do too. Now I do, I like it a lot, I listen to it a lot. Last week I didn't like it, now I listened and I love it, I think I really love it and the music is fun, maybe I was missing the fun before and maybe I am more fun now and I like it when they sing my name at school. "Where oh where can my Tommy be?" I get the joke now and it is funny and I laugh with them and not get upset at them laughing at me and I like Kyra. She is not laughing at me, she laughs with me. (the tree is strong, I like trees too, I like them a lot, forever I will like trees.) I talked to Kyra and I said, "Mercury Rev. You were right, I didn't know it before but you were right and it is good music and I didn't know before. I didn't know. I didn't know." Kyra smiled. I love when she smiles and she said she was glad that I liked it and said I should listen to Captain Beefhart and I'll like that too. (I like swinging.) When I was a kid I would go on the swing sets and swing and I loved it, you are off the ground and wild and in space and out of the world and still in control. I need to be in control, but it is too much and I am in control but I am letting myself live now, finally, and I like psychedelic music and I like Kyra. Things are moving fast, moving too fast and I cannot slow down my mind. My mom was talking to my father and though I did not hear clearly I know they are up to something. They talked in that way that I know they are planning something and maybe it is about Kyra and maybe it is worse. I wish I knew, I really wish, wish, wish, wish. There is too much going on, I don't know what to do. If I told it all to Kyra, if I said every last word -- look at all these words, too many words, too much I don't understand -- (why are my parents plotting against me) if I said every word to Kyra, she could help. Every word. I need to say them all, start talking now and stop when I am done and then Kyra... Kyra, will she talk to me? Maybe she hates me now. I can't stop thinking, I cannot stop anything, why did I start this? I was happier when I was sad. No, I am happy now, I am happy, I need to listen to music. (I like the feel of rope on my neck.) One last little bit, one final word and I'll be silent forever. I know that my parents are planning something really bad and I cannot stop it except this way. One final way to make them shut up. Everybody will now shut up, or at least I won't hear them. I hope Kyra won't be mad. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #830 - WRITTEN BY: OREGANO - 9/20/99 ]