,... $$$$ $$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg. ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$ $$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$ """ """""" """ ggg "Things Better Left Unsaid" ggg $$$ by -> Zaff $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ [ HOE E-Zine #990 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$ `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' i was seeing a university counselor today. my last shrink and i parted ways a couple of months when we had a disagreement as to the medicinal value of alcohol and cocaine. the university counselor informed me that i was highly erratic in my moods, unusually vindictive, and had issues with women. if she had told me i had dark hair and green eyes and that my favourite band was pavement, she would have succeeded in telling me *all* the things i already knew about myself. and it occurred to me how terribly uninteresting it is to be told things you already know. that is why i am offering this list of things that are already widely know and uncontroversial that should not be addressed again in another lame file. 1) SCOOBY DOO IS ABOUT DRUGS TEE HEE HEE. yeah, no shit. bunch of kids in the '70s in a van always hungry eating 'scooby snacks' blah blah blah. that isn't a controversial view. don't bother arguing. it's like arguing a circle is round. it just isn't interesting--it's dull. writing about it makes YOU a dull, bad person. when the revolution comes, those who write about this shall surely be rounded up and tortured. 2) BOYS SUCK. yes, we sure do. most boys will just fuck you over and leave you. yup. it's natural selection, our ascent from the apes failed to remove some instincts. call it survival--girls you fail to fuck over make you regret it later, at the first real opportunity. everybody knows that if you liked NICE guys, you wouldn't get fucked over so much. but you don't. which is fine-like who you like. just don't come crying later. it's a given--boys suck. 3) GIRLS SUCK. yup. how do you know a girl is lying? she is communicating with you. read the old testament, one of the creatures (sarah, ruth, one of them) lied to GOD and got away with it. you think your girl won't pull a few fast ones on you? girls always *say* they want a nice guy. guess what? it's another lie. everybody knows this by now. sometimes everybody forgets this though, and they suffer. then, too often, they make OTHERS suffer by writing about it. if you are with a girl right now, odds are good you will be bitter and defeated within 6 months, unless you make her bitter and defeated first. if you succeed in being happy, now there's a topic for a file. man bites dog.... 4) PEOPLE ARE DUMB. yes, they sure are. morons. they like the wrong things. they wear dumb clothes. they say dumb things, and make dumb judgments. but on the other hand, you still have a pathetic, sniveling need to be liked by them if you take their stupidity so personally. this isn't to say that specific acts of stupidity shouldn't be documented or mocked--just that to argue that people, on the whole, are dumb is, again, like arguing that a dog is a mammal. 5) YOU HATE YOUR ROOMMATE. again, duh. everybody does. roommates are people and therefore morons. if you're a girl, you hate your roommate because she is prettier than you and people pay attention to her instead of you thus defeating your juvenile need to always be the centre of attention. if you are a boy, your roommate is a cock, defined as somebody who gets more pussy than you. in either case, their taste in music will suck and they will exude an odd odor. i've been lucky i have to admit in having murmur, mogel and neko as roommates at points when we had similar tastes in music and were getting comparable amounts of pussy. finding a roommate like that, with whom you get along, again, is notable and worthy of being chronicled. files about not getting enough sex are probably still okay, since that is a serious and universal problem for everybody except your most recent ex, who is invariably getting it every day of the week and twice on most days. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #990, BY ZAFF - 12/25/99 ]