____ | |________________________ __ | | | | | | | | ___| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |__| | | | | | | | | | | | | | |__| | | | | | | | | | | |___ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |__| | | | | | | | | | | | __ |_____|_____|__| |_____|_____| |__| ----------------------------------|__|-------------------------(gh/cia)--- Jonas E'Zine -- Volume 2, Number 1 -- Released April 2, 1996 Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan). Jonas and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter Incorporated. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrevial. Deep in my heart, I do believe / We're not gonna make it No, no, we're not gonna to make it / Cuz' we don't have the talent And we don't have the time / And we don't have the patience And we don't know how to rhyme Presidents of the USA - "We're Not Going To Make It" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 1 April 2, 1996 Contents: (1) - Edicius' Editorial (2) - "Contentment" - by Cerkit (3) - What Do You Think of Jonas? (4) - Don Imus and the Political Barrier - by Edicius (5) - "Salt Shaker Psycosis" - by Cerkit (6) - "Barney and Friends" - by Edicius (7) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING! (8) - Closing Notes -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (1) Edicius' Editorial If you were to pick one particular year out of anyone's life, and examine it, you would notice many changes in that person. These changes in their personality effect everything and everyone around them. Everyone changes, but many won't realize it. Over the last year, I have changed alot. I have had many new experiences, as everyone has had, and I've learned alot about life and myself. I've learned things I can do, things I can't do. Many won't realize that they have changed, or refuse to admit it. I am one of the fortunate, or unfortunate, however you see it, to have my last year pretty thoroughly documentated. In a way, I have kept a diary of the last 366 days. The diary's name is Jonas. As I look through the beginning stages of the 'zine, where I was still new to the 'zine thing, and writing in general, I see a very scared person. I admit it, during the first phase I was scared, as anyone would be. I didn't know how I would do, where this would take me, or what people would think of me. Then, I see a place where I liked what I was doing, and felt comfortable with it, and my writing changes. Originally, the sole intent of this 'zine was to be "the lamest thing ever created in 5 hours." (5 hours, for your information, is the time it took me to think up the concept of Jonas, write all the articles, and release issue one.) I wasn't happy with how that was going, however. I was getting rave reviews, I had a large audience, but it was for being dumb. I was writing in a stupid and sloppy manner, and it sold. I knew, however, in all of the realative success that I was achieving with that style, that I could accomplish much more. I made a few subtle changes here and there, being more selective about the articles I took, changing the format, and other small things. Then one day, after issue 11, I totally changed the format, from programmed to ascii text. I also changed the theme of it, from wacky and insane, to a more serious style. I changed alot in that time. I grew surer in myself. I started to straighten out the things in my life that were going a wry. I saw the rough outline of my future, and I knew what I wanted to do. What I have done with Jonas is what I've wanted to do for along time. I've been thinking alot lately. I spend hours upon hours on the computer. Hours and days pass by without my noticing at times. If it weren't for my health, I might never sleep. I feel "dorky" because a good majority of my friends that I hang out with are people I've met over the computer. I feel like I'm doing this for nothing. Then, I think again. I realize that right now in my life, everything is stable. I wish that things were going alittle better, but I can't complain about one thing. School is going fine, I've brought my grades up to a point where they are comendable. I have a group of my close friends that I talk to almost every day, and hang out with quite often. My family is great. I have my health. What do I have to complain about? The computer thing? Meeting people over the computer is just like meeting them over any other medium. You do what you feel most comfortable doing. If you are most comfortable with a keyboard under your hands, so be it. If you are comfortable walking around Midtown Manhattan with a tarzan outfit on, so be it. My point for the whole long winded editorial will be summed up here: The last year, I have gone through many changes, as everyone has. Jonas has been there with me, and has changed alongside of me. I am very happy with how everything is going right now. That editorial made very little sense? Well, what else have you come to expect of Jonas? :) I would like to take a second out and thank the following people. Over the last 366 days, many people have done many things for Jonas. They may have written an article, or drawn a piece of artwork for it, but above all, all of these people were there for Jonas and supported. They may have supported it from Jonas' meager beginnings, or have only read one or two issues, but show a current support of the 'zine.. To these people, I extend my greatest thanks: Ace Lightning, Akira, Asphixia, Basehead, Belial, Black Francis, Briangeek, Cerebral Neurosis, Cerkit, Christopher Robin, Cidica, Crank, Creed, Crimson Tide, Daniel from e-weezer, Dark Phiber, Defective Mind, Diehard, Eerie, Epidemic, Errant Angel, Fake Scorpion, Flood, Frost Byte, Grey Hawk, Grimjack, Hooch, Ilsundal, Inner Chaos, James Hetfield, Jen from Mod Rock, Jestapher, Kurdt, Lord Valgamon, Lucifer, The Masked Marauder, Meep, Mercuri, Metal Chick, Mindcrime, Misfit, Mistawho, Mister E., Mogel, Mojo, Morpheus, Murmur, Napalm, Nebula, Pale, Pip the Angry Youth, Radigan, RaD MaN, Rattle, Chris Rake, sCandal, Shadow Tao, Shakti, Spiff, Subconscious, SuperDave, Terminal Velocity, The Blunted One, The Master, Time Killer, Traq, Trip, ts, Tut, Twisted Terrorist, Jon Vena, vYrus, Whoops, Wizard of Id.. . .. and thanks to the following 'zines who show that people use the computer to write about more then just erotic dreams.. These are a few of the current 'zines that I read regularly and enjoy, to varing extents: Chemical Chocolate, Cooler Then You, Cult of the Dead Cow, Doomed To Obscurity, Dreaming in Digital, e-weezer, Flashbyte, Fucked Up College Kids, I Want To Be a Rock and Roll Star, Grill, Klunk, The Last Word, Moderate Rock e'Zine, Phone Losers of America, Pork, Radioactive Aardvark Dung, Relish, Slinky, Teenage Young Minds Expand, Underground eXperts United, y0lk.. . Thank you for taking the time out to read Jonas. If this is the first time you've read Jonas, or the 16th, we thank you just the same. "Jonas is more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle." ----- Update on past stories: In Jonas 15, in the article entitled "Against the Communications Decency Act", I reporetd on a local story involving a woman who had her picture posted to several alt.binaries newsgroups. The picture also had her address, and asked men to write her. The latest news available on this story is that her ex-boyfriend is still being investigated in connection with this act. The interesting sidenote, however, is that her ex-boyfriend that is being investigated turns out to be Bruce Springsteen's brother-in-law. Mr. Springsteen declined to comment to Jonas about this case. About my Valentine's Day rant that appeared in the last issue of Jonas: several readers offered their suggestions as to what I should do, mainly they told me I should ask the girl I wanted out. I did, she said yes, and two days before our date, she changed her mind. Love sucks. Oh, and I have a special news annoucement. LISTEN UP CHAPS; This is the last issue of Jonas. I'm not killing Jonas, but I am continuing it under a different name, after some major changes. Namely, we're merging with Slinky e'Zine. Sometime during May, the new e'Zine, currently titled "Legacy", will be released. We will provide you with all of the things you loved about Jonas and Slinky wrapped up into one big issue, taken to the next level. We are the future of e'Zines. Dang, I never got to print up the Jonas t-shirts. If you wish to learn more about this, email me.. (MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS FILE, OK?) Have a good day, Edicius. "We have found a common cause, and it's your money." -- Johnny Rotten, of the Sex Pistols on why they decided to reunite for a 20th-anniversary tour. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2) "Contentment" - Cerkit contentment, qualifies, in my life as a surprise. happiness, reigns in my life as the thing that bring me pains. smiles, become in my life, the things i consider dumb. frowns, become in my life, what make me numb. depression, reigns in my life, without retrains. discontent, qualifies, in my life, made of lies. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (3) What do you think of Jonas? I spent a few days, and emailed a cross-section of the Jonas subscription list. I emailed people that I know have been reading it since day one, and I emailed people who have been reading it for the last day. I wanted a good representation of my readers. Here are the replies that I got to the question I posed: What do you think of Jonas? These are all of the replies that I got. I did not leave any one out because I didn't like it. I wanted the truth, no (apperent) fluff. Editing was only done for spelling and clarity sakes. ----- jonas e'zine has gone through so many changes since it's original inception, it blows my mind. originally started as a lame e'zine for the PURPOSE of being a lame e'zine, it was immediatly brought to me by my friend spiff, & i noticed it's difference from all other products in the stupid-ass "ansi 'zine" genre. over time, edicius has shown to be a better writer more with every issue of jonas, & i mean that sincerly. today's version of what was jonas has a wonderful & a very professional look as compared to most text-based e'zines. the writing is serious, has a lot to think about, & basically has a lot of meat to it. totally a flip of what it used to be. i think today's jonas lacks a bit of the wit that i miss from the old jonas, however, what it has gained towers above what it's lost. perhaps this is a reflection of the changes that have happened in edicius himself, & it's just related to the 'zine. that's where i'd put my money. -- Mogel [Doomed To Obscurity Editor] ----- i think jonas is particularly different in its style & approach. not better, just different. it's rather in my view a 'zine filled with your own belief's, and is rather opinionated. however, since i do have curiosities about how people view certain things in the world, i find jonas to be a good read. though, its definetly not a 'zine i read for entertainment. i read jonas to get the facts, and views of one tom sullivan. period. -- Cerkit [Slinky Editor] ------ i've been reading jonas ever since issue one (as far as actual time, i started reading jonas when you were on #5). anyway, jonas is like a home-grown zine. when i read dto, it lacks the basic element of, "hey, im here, i have nothing to do, blah." this isn't necessarily bad, mind you, but sometimes i miss it. jonas has that element, which makes it "direct" and "human" or whatever. plus you admitted to masturbating, which makes jonas an institution in itself. you've got GUTS man. -- Fake Scorpion [Doomed To Obscurity Writer] ------ Jonas, very simply put, **is** the meat. -- Jon Vena [WHTG-FM Promotions Director] ------ I have read jonas since the begining .. I have seen it go coded, to text format. I liked it when it was wacky as hell (ie: issues like 1-10) maybe even more .. but the new format Jonas has taken on (ie: serious, less wackyness) is better for the zine.. more people will read and respect it.. (many people already do ) I like a 'zine thats wacky, but doesn't exceed the wackyness point of extreme.. -- Lucifer [Ganja Writer] ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (4) Don Imus and the Political Barrier - Edicius At the annual White House Radio and TV Correspondent's Dinner, they invite a speaker to poke fun at the current political stories. Nothing has ever happened much like it did at this year's dinner, with guest speaker, syndicated Shock Jock, Don Imus. Imus is also known as being a very good political interviewer, with guests such as Bob Dole, Bill Bradley, and Dan Rather appearing on his show. The correspondent's association, who invite the speaker to the dinner, expects the speaker to poke mild fun at the president and policital parties. Generally, they want him to lighten the mood. Imus, however, took this as the opportunity past the line of decency. He was quoted as saying, "When the First Lady laughed at my opening, I thought I was home free." Telling jokes concerning Clinton's alleged extramarital affairs, Senator Bob Kerrey's artifical leg, and Newt Gingrich's gay half-sister, brought more stone faces then applause as the night wore on. When you are invited to speak for an event of this caliber, you generally restrain yourself out of respect. You can say that Imus showed that he was not afraid of anything by saying this in front of the President and First Lady. However, when they are the hosts of the event, you show them some courtesy and respect. Imus' did not feel he did anything wrong by saying, "Did they expect me to say one thing on the radio and then go to Washington and be a weasel?" This is true, to an extent. You can say that the correspondent's pool should have expected this from him, but they also could have expected him to be somewhat more respectable. The shock jock genre is nothing new, but no person has discussed the First Lady's menstraul cycle at a formal Washington dinner. Bob Dole, one who has been so open about his disregard for Hollywood's culture problems, is a regular on Imus' show. This is a show in which the material presented is normally the same type of material that he is against. Hypocritical? Maybe. Imus is considered a popularity booster in Washington. Many believe that an appearence on his show will raise your standing, make you known, and possibly get you elected. This would explain why some aren't angry at Imus for his remarks. .. either that, or they are just afraid of him. Imus is a very intimidating man. He has been known to go off on people who disagree with his views. When a Washington Post critic wrote a negative review of his show, he was called a "homo" and a "Jew" for weeks on air. The bottom line in this -- no matter what happens, Imus has his style. Whether or not people should have expected this beforehand can be debated. We do know one thing, this is the way Imus is, and this is the way he will continue to be. No amount of talk or negative press will change him. It hasn't done it yet, and won't do it in the future. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (5) "Salt Shaker Psychosis" - Cerkit The constant drama played on. A darkness all around. Loud bangings. A varitable utopia of opposing angry chants. A gaped grace & grassland causing flaring. Deathly ill among the peasants, a sort of chill arose them. A chill called pain. It shivered up and down their spines, and destoryed every part of their souls. A nearly dominant figure stood tall, within this and by those means kept monarchy over the shadowy inner workings. Contemplating a template of output within what was considered compliance to the very questioning of his existence. An "oh-so-good" pleasure filled evening, filling what would be his next nights dream. A lacey spirit undressing for his soul to implicate in his path of conquests. A rather serious joke. Coincidently overriding his mind's protection, and removing all that was his memories of frowns and depression so much so he was happy forever. This spirit filled his own. a worthless and useless existence no less from what was once, a life, a point & happiness. A pounding so thunderous the heavens sprawled apart like unvirgin legs, to cast a shadow over the sleepings & restings of closed eyes. The man awoke and turned the faucet off & went back to bed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (6) Mischief on the Barney Set - by; Edicius Barney & Kids (in unison): .. you love me, and we're a happy fam-i-ly. Barney (thinking out loud): My my, Wendy, you look umh-scrumindly-dumscious in your denim skirt today! Wendy: Uh, aren't we supposed to play make believe police officer now? Barney: I think we'll play make believe doctor now! Director (offstage): Oh shit, he's going for the kid again. Barney lunges toward Wendy, missing only slightly. Barney: Why are you running away from me Wendy? Are you intimidated by my jurrasic size? Wendy (screaming): Help! Help! Mommie! Daddie! Other Kid #1: Wendy, towards the treehouse! Go to neverland, he'll never get you in there! Stagehand (offstage): Mr. Director, I have the tranquilizer gun. Just tell me when to shoot. Director (moving onstage): Shoot when you have a clear shot. Don't worry about the kids, we're not paying them much. Just shoot the jurrassic asshole in the groin. Wendy: Get off me! He's slobbering! Help! Barney takes off his mask, revealing a grotesque and hairy man of about thirty-five. Director: Get off of her Barney! We'll send you back to prison. You remember the shower incedent, don't you? Do you want that to happen again? Barney: Just one kiss, that's all. Owch! He is hit by the director, who lands a clean blow to the muppet-filled temple. The stage hand readies himself with the gun just offstage. Director: Shoot, you fuckin' intern! Shoot! The stage hand shoots, and a dart whizzes through the air. Wendy: Ouuh.. Barney.. Ouuh.. Barney: OUCH. MOTHERFUCKER. THAT FUC- (Ploop) Barney drops to the floor, passed out. Director: Thank god this wasn't a live broadcast! Producer: Actually, the people from the National Endowment of the Arts are here. I think we just lost our funding. Director: Doh! What else can go wrong? Stage hand: I think Wendy is tramautized; or she just experienced her first orgasm. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (7) Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on everything! CONCERT: Spacehog / God Lives Underwater / Mr. Mirainga February 25, 1996 - Birch Hill Nite Club, Old Bridge, NJ I haven't been to that many concerts in my life, but I have been to some pretty good ones. However, the show that I saw here was undoubtly one of the best that I have ever been to. For seven bucks, Spacehog, imported from England via the East Village of NYC, God Lives Underwater, and Mr. Mirainga with a near sellout crowd. Mr. Mirainga, more or less, sucked. I didn't like what I heard of them before hand. The lead singer has a really annoying voice, but aside from that, he seemed very irritating on stage. Music wise, the band was pretty good. Good basslines and drum beats. For some of their songs they used a weird contraption that consisted of two bongo drums, a cymbal, tamborine, and a cowbell. That made for a very interesting sound when added to the normal guitar/bass/drums you hear. Lyric wise, they were tried too hard to be wacky. If they didn't try so hard to be funny, and concentrated alittle more on the lyrics, maybe they would have been alittle better.. As the bassist said, "This next song is pretty heavy.. It's about my grandma.. If you ever saw her, you'd know how heavy it is." God Lives Underwater just plain out rocked. This Philadelphian band with their whole techno-ey/punk style, they played a very entertaining show. With great songs like "No More Love" and "Drag Me Down", they are a band with a style all of their own. The "headliner" of the show, Spacehog, "imported from England via the East Village" played a show just short of amazing. Playing their hits "In the Meantime" and "Spacehog", they were a crowd favorite. Attracting a diverse crowd which ranged from the early teens to fourties, they had everyone moving the entire time through. Spacehog constantly kept the crowd excited with little "conversations" with the crowd. Spacehog pleased them by playing an extended version of "In The Meantime" while members of Mr. Mirainga and God Lives Underwater looked on from the side. They also have a great stage presence. Coming out to begin their set with feather trimmed coats, and coming out for their encore without the jackets, but with beers in their hands. They showed that they were there for the crowd, and the crowd wasn't there for them. CD: Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches" single Columbia/Pop Llama Records 5 tracks / 12:37 Overall: * * * * (out of 5) This single features "Peaches", the radio friendly, bass driven song. But Chris Ballew's vocals and "two-string basitar", Dave Dederer's "three-string guitbass", and Jason Finn's "no string" drums, all come together to form four other great songs. Three of which were previously b-sides to other singles and 7"'s. "Confusion" appeared on the Home Alive: the Art of Self Defense CD. Track by track review: Song: Peaches - A song that has a perfect blend of fast and slow parts with strong a strong rythym lead by great drumwork by Jason Finn. Song: Candy Cigarette - The bassline at the beginning of this song set the mood for this song, right in the middle of slow and fast. It's one of those songs that you can listen to, without getting a headache or getting bored. Song: Carolyn's Bootie - A fast "poppy" tune with very humuorus lyrics. One of my personal favorites by the Presidents. Song: Confusion - This is one of the few songs in which they actually use a guitar. The screeching guitar makes this the fastest, and possibly best, song on the CD. Song: Wake Up - A slower song in which Chris and Dave's vocals are more noticable then the instruments most of the times. TELEVISION: Squirt TV MTV, Friday @ Midnight, Sunday @ 11:30pm This is a talk show hosted by Jake and filmed in his room. Originally run as a public access show on New York City's Cablevision, this was picked up by MTV and has been airing for 5 weeks now. Recent guests on the show have included Clerks/Mallrats Director Kevin Smith, Jenny McCarthy, Adam Sandler, and Liz Phair, to name a few. Great interviews combined with great music, wrapped up in a half hour. Did I mention that Jake is 16 or 17 years old, too? How's that for every teenagers' dream: having your own show on MTV while hanging out with famous celebrities. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (8) Closing Notes - Edicius I thank you profusely for reading this issue. I'm happy that I got it out on time.. If you are upset by my decision regarding the merger of Jonas and Slinky e'Zines, just wait. I believe that you will really like what you get with Legacy. May is just around the corner, so, you won't have to wait that long. I've been very bored with the computer thing lately. Email me. Let's talk, send me your websites (I love them!). We can be cyber-pen pals. Email me, please! edi@cybercomm.net Well, good day. Jonas' LEGACY shall return in May. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jonas e'Zine Issue Sixteen Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net Visit the new and expanded Jonas website at: http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html Visit Belial @ Avalon, (908) 739/4274 Thanks to everyone who has supported Jonas over the last year. "Jonas, it's more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle" ---------------------------------- eof -----------------------------------