Û Û [MiLK] Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Û Mighty Issue #20 Û Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û illicit "The Terrific Safety Pin" Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û Liquid By Epic Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û Kollections Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ Safety pins are just way cool things. It would take a very wise man a very long time thinking to realize just how way cool they are. How cool are they, you ask? Well, they are WAY cool. Just think of all the fun things you could do with a safety pin of your very own. Why, the possibilities are endless. Forget about going to the mall, forget about going to concerts, forget about sitting at home picking your nose in front of the computer, the miraculous safety pin will change your life. It's amazing what that little twisted sinew of metal will do for your physical, emotional, and social well-being. It's just fucking cool. Wear them on your clothes. They are especially good for replacing broken seams, or just adding interest to a bland shirt, necklace, or even a sock. Put them in your hair. Use them instead of shoelaces. I personally believe that the safety pin is the most incredible thing in fashion since wooden clogs came on the scene. Aside from decorations from normal clothing, these wonderful objects can be used in just about any form of jewelry, ranging from earrings, to cock rings. And think of the protective benefits from wearing safety pins! It is a little known fact that in medieval times, they fashioned chain mail out of linked safety pins, providing a protection from any arrow or blade superior to any other alloy. Chew on them for fulfillment. They are even tasty for an after-school snack. Safety pins are very nutritious also, they have no sodium, no cholesterol, no strychnine, no fat either! You can munch on your supply of safety pins constantly for weeks with no ill effects. Think of the possibilities! One large bag of safety pins could provide nourishment for thousands of starving people! Even if you have a very turbulent stomach, the safety pin will not unhook inside of you. They are so safe, they are used as discount tampons in some third-world countries. How safe can you get? They are called SAFETY pins for god's sake. Keep them with you at all times to prevent anything bad from happening. Safety pins will always insure your safety. Don't bother paying huge premiums on insurance, safety pins will prevent car accidents, fires, and even theft. Just the presence of something as cool as a safety pin will direct evil away from you. That's right, no more freak blender or sprinkler accidents, no more spilled milk. Safety pins will stop you from getting nicked with a razor while shaving. They will also alert you of tampered Pepsi cans. It's worth so much, to have this utter feeling of wholeness, completeness, and overall security. The widespread use of safety pins could end virtually all of the world's problems. Safety pins would put an end to corruption in governments across our planet. Safety pins are the answer to the hole in the ozone layer. With proper funding, safety pins could be used to successfully discover the cure for herpes simplex, cancer, even AIDZ. Safety pins drastically reduce crime rates everywhere. They would provide cheap housing for all of the homeless. They could put young adults through college, and get them started onto a path of fulfillment. Safety pins would end religious persecution, when everyone just realizes how cool they are. Safety pins are even better than safety belts, safety windows, and safety seals on medicine. I could go on for many more moons on how safety pins will improve your life, but I'll let you take the plunge and try them out for yourself. Your life will never be the same, and you will have only the hinged messiah to thank. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that safety pins are just cool. I hope you enjoyed this badly written text, and I hope you are proud of how many times I managed to use the word "safety" in it (31 to be exact). Rest well my sweetcakes, and dream of a brighter tomorrow. MeaTZ aND GReeTZ go to the all of the following: My dear MiLK brothers, Jyro, The American Spleen Foundation, Blonad, "j", the inventor of Ovaltine, and of course, my deer-ly belove-ed... cya all ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ[MiLK] InformationÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ [MiLK] Sights - WHQ - Barney's Pleasure Palace! (708)965-3098 DiSt- The Lunatic Phringe (708)232-0565 Mech World (708)757-0116 The Acropolis (708)557-2826 [MiLK] Member Listing - James Hetfield Nyarlathotep Epic Plaid Wilderbeast Mendeleev Medicine Man Black Justice [MiLK] Issue Number - 20 [MiLK] Issue Size - 5712 Bytes [MiLK] Date of Production: 3/12/93 ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Long Live The Machine ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ