Ü Ü Ü Mighty Issue #48 Ü Ü Û Û Ü illicit "How To / Sarcasm. Not." Û ß Û Û Û ÛÛ Liquid -By whOOps ß ß ß ß ß ß Kollections Ä Ä -ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ (WARNING: This is kase's first attempt at a completely factual and truthful file instead of the oh-so-wild fiction she usually writes. Be wary. Contents may be unsuitable to those without the requisite brain cells to comprehend the complex ideas and sentence structure involved therein.) Sarcasm Gee, what a thrilling file, I hear you cry. That's right! You've achieved the first level of illumination in the ways of the Mighty Art of Sarcasm. Many more lie before you, however, so don't get too cocky. Many types of sarcasm exist in this world, although not nearly as many as the number of entries in the Field Guide to Lampreys (cheap plug. go read it. the eggplant ones are the best, of course.) I will try to outline for you the basics to the wild art of sarkasem. DREARY BORING NORMAL KIDS-STUFF EVERYDAY SARCASM: This stuff is *really* exciting, let me tell you..Not. It doesn't take too many brain cells to master this stuff (meaning even YOU can handle it, doesn't that make your diodes wiggle in surprise and pleasure?) This type of sarkasem involves the use of the word "Not"...an added emphasis, for the people that were too stupid to realize that the person meant what they were saying sarcastically. For example... Let's create two purely imaginary people.. (while at the same time plagiarizing an idea from the illuminated Pizza-For-A-Bawk! person.) Shall we say... Neillybob Nibble and Scooter Shazam? Scooter looks at a new hat that Neillybob recently dug out of his uncle's grave and says "Hey, Neillybob... that's a nice hat. Not!" After evoking the magic word "not," the evoker generally tends to devolve into beavis-and-butthead-freak-type guttural chuckling, probably due to the large amount of time that person spent with his eyes glued to the television set when that eminent set of bozos was on. (And let me *tell* you how difficult it is to get the eyes off...) So now that you've mastered this, you move on to the slightly-more-complex-and-exciting-only-if-your-aunt-is-a-barnacle-sarcasm. SLIGHTLY MORE COMPLEX AND EXCITING ONLY IF YOUR AUNT IS A BARNACLE SARCASM: This is the next step up..it's slightly more complex and exciting than the DBNK-SES (Abbreviated for her pleasure!) but can still be handled by the average modem geek. This involves a bit of the same elements of the DBNK-SES but with a tricky difference: One must say exactly the opposite of what one means to get one's point across. For example, say these purely imaginary people Neillybob Nibble and Scooter Shazam are sitting together at a purely hypothetical place. Neillybob might hypothetically look at Scooter's hypothetical shirt and say "Gee, Scooter, that shirt doesn't look at ALL like you hurled all over it after eating your mom's cooking even though it looked like toxic waste." See? What he REALLY meant to say was "Scooter, that shirt looks like you hurled all over it after eating your mom's cooking even though it looked like toxic waste." That explanation was for those of you that lacked the necessary intelligence to comprehend it..aw, heck, it was for all of you. And i'm not being sarcastic at all. NOW YOU'RE BORDERING ON EXCITEMENT THIS STUFF IS AS COOL AS TIPPER GORE SARCASM: I lied. This is only bordering on excitement if you think you're a gnu. But, fortunately, for most of you, this is bordering on excitement. At least it's more exciting than most of what happens in your lives... I digress. This type of sarcasm involves the use of EMPHASIS on ONE word in a phrase. What I mean..is that you CONSTANTLY EMPHASIZE a few words in a sentence and that REALLY gets your POINT ACROSS. Such as, say these PURELY hypothetical people are once again sitting next to each other. Scooter might say to Neillybob, "GEE, Neillybob..what a NICE guy you are." You see? He doesn't mean that, at all! He's being.....sarcastic! Ain't life grand..just like a piano> Ahhh..make like a tree and BUZZ OFF, okay? THIS IS SO FRICKING COOL I THINK I'M GOING TO GO BITE MY TOENAILS OFF BUT WHOOPS I FORGOT YOUR MOM DID THAT ALREADY SARCASM: This type of sarcasm is especially complex, for in it, you have to employ *laughter*...that's right, you have to ACT, because there's not much you can truly laugh about except the sad state of your life and your face. For example, say these people are once again sitting next to each other. Neillybob might maybe perhaps hypothetically say to Scooter, "Scooter, I think you're awfully sweet... " The indicates that Neillybob starts laughing uproariously and falls on the floor, laughing so hard that the whole hypothetical place shook. The use of this riotous laughter at the end of the statement should alert all the non-vegetables nearby as to the use of that wonderful tool, Sarcasm. Hopefully the above basics to the art of sarcasm may have given you a few tips as to how to approach life from now on. Not. No, you didn't at all waste your time reading this, don't worry about it. I'm POSITIVE that you have a life, REALLY...i *AM*... Û Û [MiLK] Information Û Û Û Û [MiLK] Sites: Û Û Û Û The Obloid Sphere..........(708)965-3098 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û CUM........................(708)961-1220 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Asylum.................(908)914-9318 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û (NUP) I LOVE FEDS Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Violent Playground.........(908)920-2575 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Black Dragon BBS...........(703)885-3072 [14,400] ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÄÄ> MiLK File #48: "How To / Sarcasm" By whOOps <ÄÄÄ (This File Just wasted 6123 bytes of your hard drive)