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               [ Mind Warp  -  Volume #1, Issue #6, File #017 ]
               [ "What the Crime Bill SHOULD Read:"  by Raven ]
            
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                       What the Crime Bill SHOULD Read:
                                  [Raven/MG]

        I was watching the House debate the "crime bill" the other day on 
CNBC.  I have now thought a whole lot about this, and I feel that that bill
should be scrapped because 1) they are approaching the subject wrongly, and 
2) it's gonna cost $30,000,000,000 which could be lowered to $5,000,000,000 
and the rest could be used to give WORKING americans a tax break. :)  Here's
my bill:
        The original "crime bill" was a good idea, but the people who drafted 
that one are idiots.  Crime can never be stopped, there will always be crime.  
The problem with today is that there's too much VIOLENT crime.  Violence is 
the only difference from now and 20 years ago.
        There are several things we could do to limit violent crimes.  While
banning assault weapons seems like a good idea (since they have no use other
than to kill people) we need to do more.
        We first must find out where the problem is coming from in order to
create a solution.  If one sits down and thinks about it, all the violent
crimes generally come from these little brats with too much time on their 
hands, and no respect for anyone/thing.  This "unorganized crime" has been
degenerating our society for a while now.  To remedy this, we need to re-
establish the mafia.  Yes, societies are utterly helpless without organized
crime.
        We should use about $5 billion to give to the mafia to help them 
recruit new families into the buisness.  (We can give the money to Mario 
Cuomo, he'll know who to give it to.)  The Federal, and State governments 
will temporarily fund the Mafia until it gets onto it's feet, and then the 
mafia will be able to fund the government.  
        Once the mafia has been given this money, they can divide it between
a proposed three(3) factions.  With three(3) major crime families (each
situated in different parts of the country: North East, South East, and West)
at first working together, and later fighting against each other, America
will be much safer.  The mafia families will have explicit orders to be sure
to eliminate any criminals they find using guns, who are not in their family,
thus eliminating any disorganized crime left in america.
        The mafia will then put more of their own into public office.  With 
most of the country's political leaders backed by the mob, things such as red 
light districts can be legalized.  The Mob will then control all sorts of
crime such as: gambling, prostitution (very strict health control codes will 
also be put into affect), drugs, And they will also be able to back 
legitimate businesses.
        Also, the new mob will be integrated.  Entrance into the mafia will 
be limited only by your mental abilities, or your physical strength.  New
entrants will start off as pick-pockets.  This will help america re-develop
some courtesy towards others (no one will be rude and bump into other people
for fear of being pick-pocketed, or fear of being called a pick-pocket). Once
the new recruits have proven themselves worthy by being a loyal pickpocket, 
they can be promoted, and carry out bigger crimes.
        With the help of the US military forces, the mob will go to south
america, find the drug harvesting/producing operations, monitor them for a
couple of days, and then kill everyone there, only to take it over for them-
selves.  
        The Mafia will now control three major industries.  With the sales of
drugs (much cheaper in america, and quite expensive abroad), prostitution, 
and gambling, the mob can "donate" money to the country, thus lowering taxes
on americans.  They will control the drug market, and other countries will 
bow to us.  We will once again become the world leader in everything.
        Therefore, the answer to crime is not the prevention of it, for crime
cannot ever be fully eliminated, but the regulation of it.

        I scare myself when I write conservative crap like that, sometimes.
Oh well..


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