c:\186to586.exe Bad Sector(s) on disk C:\ Sector(s) Not found (A)bort (R)etry (G)et a real computer. Datawaste Productions Is Proud to Present: ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛ°°°°°°±±±±±±²²²²²²ÛÛBAD SECTORÛÛ²²²²²²±±±±±±°°°°°°ÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ °°°°°°±±±±±²²²²ÛÛIN STEREO WHERE AVAILABLE!ÛÛ²²²²±±±±±°°°°°° ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛISSUE IV VOLUME I SERIES IÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß A feeble attempt at humor vaguely related to anything dealing with the online community. STAFF Editor in chief and Man in the Angry Chair: Vince Lortho, Elric, Vocus Sadri, Lord of Vabul White Oppressor, Selectively perceptive mental explorer. Submitting Writers: Carl Sagan Anne Rice Wesley Crusher Shakespeare My Mom. Volume 0 May 1994 Number 0D 1 Blah, Blah 2 BAD SECTOR Successful. 3 Are you a GIF Freak? 4 Chat logs of a madman. 5 Day in the life... 6 top 10 7 taglines 8 credits BAD SECTOR successful. BAD SECTOR has been out for two months now and the success of the mag is more than this author expected. Despite the two week delay in the first issue for no apparent reason everything is going well. This writer had to write or find all the articles because no one has submitted anything. A person known as Don Karnage (02/94; McDonald) submitted a story. Don is also serving twelve years for flogging his parents to death with two sticks of Beef jerky. This author had to write the other articles with pseudonyms as to make it appear that all kinds of authors and writers are submitting. The first issue was slightly humorous. Having vowed to make each issue funnier and funnier, this historian feels the second issue is quite humorous. The one problem that may face this magazine is possible copyright infringement. Once and awhile a text file will come across my computer that must be shown to the world. Having no legal knowledge or expertise this writer feels that it's OK. If anyone read the second issue, one will see a scoring article about the FBI and computer crime. There was no copyright notice on the news article and believe that since the numbers were so far off from reality that it may be considered fantasy or fiction (see 03/94) or possibly written on another planet in a galaxy far, far away. This Male Lesbian is going to make some changes around here. A new reader format for instance and all sorts of little neatism's. A flesch-reading ease score for every article and a Gunnings Fog index. The grade level of each article will be displayed after each article in the bottom left-foot corner. A friend of this astronomer will be posting this magazine on internet. Having no experience with internet or care this journalist hopes that it increases the popualrity of the magazine. This mag is a big hit in Belgium and a small villiage in Hungry. They even translate it and put it in the paper. Two days later, however, the villiage was hit by a freak typhoon. The people in belgium finally figured out it was in english. Note: The repeated references by this writer to himself as a third person is to eliminate using "I" and because this researcher is insane. Flesch Reading Ease: 72 Flesch-Kincaid Grade: 7 Gunnings Fog Index: 9 Are you a GIF Freak? by Vince Lortho Answer this questionnaire and determine if you are a GIF freak. If you are viewing an X-rated GIF now then go to the end with a perfect score of 100. Note: The use of GIF is symbolic of all images, Dead or Alive. 1. (10 Points) Do you have a special Hidden Directory for your GIF's? A. Yes, I have a directory for each Letter in the alphabet. (10 Pts) B. Yea, I have a hidden directory, Don't tell my mom! (7Pts) C. I have a few GIFs but they are on floppy's. (5pts) D. What's a directory? (0 pts- 0 IQ: go home and pet the dog.) 2. (15 points) When you D/L GIF's do you constantly run out of time? A. No way. I payed 2000$ for an ISDN 65000 Blaster Modem and An agreement with the sysop for constant 12 hour D/L. (15pts) B. Nah, I bought a Cd-rom and have it on constant slide mode (10pts) C. Yea, I type *.* at the D/l prompt and it hung up. (8 pts) D. What's A GIF. I like it with Bread and tarts! (Get the gun) 3. (15 points) How many Megs of storage do you have for your GIF's? A. I have a Tandy Color Computer. What's a MEG? (0 pts) B. I have all my unlabeled floppies full and some of my HD full.(8pts) C. I bought another HD for them. I luv dem pretty girles.(10 pts) D. Hell, I bought a Bernoulli 1 Gig optical drive and a Crey computer system with a direct power line to a nuclear reactor. (15pts) 4. (20 points) What type of GIF's do you d/l? A. I like GIF! It tastes good! (see Question 2 answer d) B. Only ones with the word Must See! in it. (10pts) C. I d/l a complete series. 00000001.GIF - 99999999.GIF. (15pts) D. *.* (20 pts) 5. (20 pts) Do you have a life? A. Yes, I'm a successful Business man with a Jaguar XLT (1pt) B. Nah, I had a girlfriend once but I found out she was a Barbee with no head. (10pts) C. I stopped breathing in 1973 (15pts) D. My name is PeeWee. (20pts) 6. (Bonus!) Check as many of these that apply! (5pts each) 1. I call LD to get those GIF's. I love them things. 2. I went into debt paying for adult access on the BBS's 3. I have GIF's and print them on my dot-matrix printer and mail them as Christmas cards to my GIF support group. 4. I bought a bigger monitor so I could see it all at once. 5. I have every GIF ever made. 6. I like to take pictures of my Butt.(10 pts) Summary of scores. 0: The minimum score is 0. If you don't have any then your exempt. 1-30: You are slightly disturbed. There may be hope yet. Delete them all and go confess. You're not a pervert but a lonely person that needs to get out more often. You have your Dads playboys under your mattress. 31-50: You may be a pervert. There may be a history of GIF's in your family. You have special times when you view them and even have a secret drive for them. You also have adult access on the local Bible board. 51-115: You are beyond help. Keep on D/l'ing. Nothing can stop you. You probably have a CD-ROM and sit real close to the monitor and pretend your in there. Your Idea of a good time is a night with the New "Big Booties" CD-rom. Remember Choosey Perverts Chose GIF! F.R.E.: 82 F.K.G.L.: 4 G.F.I.: 6 Chat Logs Of a Madman with a defective pager. by Mark Spigman CHAT LOG OPENED 031694 23:12 The Sysop is here UH..DO YA HAVE THE FILE DASMEASD.ZIP and FAKSMDF1.gif and SPHABSD2.ZIP What? Did you them it on here? UH, I DIDN'T SEE IT. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHERE IT WAS. Its in the section called Hidden files. UH, OK. I"LL LOOK AGAIN. bye /q CHAT LOG CLOSED 031694 23:14 <> CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 02:42 The Sysop is here. Hi! I just wanted to tell you that I want adult access or higher access. <> Wgat tiem is it/ What? Are you ok? fffffffffffffffddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddasdddd ddddddddddddddddadsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssss.... NO CARRIER CHAT LOG CLOSED 031794 02:47 CHAT LOG OPENED 031794 04:23 The Sysop is here. yea. I was checkin if you were there. hello. is anyone over there. I see you. Come on. Hello! You are a bad sysop. This place sucks. I hate your Board. You are lame. I am calling the feds and telling them you have kiddie porn. Where are you. Your mom said hi. I'm going to kick you ass if you don't answer. djasfhkjdsadsjkfhasdjkfhdsajklfhadsjkfsdjkfdsajklfgd I'm going to wait until you answer. /page /s /exit /x Hey how do I get out of here? /quit quit bye GET ME OUT OF HERE! Fine i'll wait until you answer! You are GAY! I'm Talking to the feds now. I have a capture of Your board and you had SIMcity on here. I got a capture. Hold on I'm talking to Bruce Williams of THE FBI. Your Busted. fdsl;gkdl;fkgs'dgkds;'gk;'gkd;flgk;dslfgk'kgk'g;kg'kkgklfdgdsfgdsfg gsdfg;kdjfglkdfjgfd;jglkfjdgskl;djfglkjdfl;gkjfdlgjlkgjsdlkfjglkdfjg dfso;eirhuogfajgl;fhdsgj;dfhgjklshfdlslfdkgkldfjglkdsfjglkdjfgkldjf. Hey man What are you doing? You are a loser fag! <