November 1992 Unplastic News =========================================================== O O \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / ________________\_______/________________________ | | | _________________________ | | | | | | | | | /----\ | ( ) | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | ( ) | | | \____/. | |. | | | | | () () () | | | unplastic news | | | | | | | |_______________________| | | | | | |_______________________________________________| HH HH HH HH HH HH LLL LLL ________________________________________________________________________ | S E N D | The Unplastic News#5 | T O A | FREE | F R I E N D | ________________________|_______________|______________________________ ISSUE #5 The "Democracy Makes Me Sing With Joy" Issue November 1992 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ======================================================================== | | the unplastic news is available CONTENTS: | at the following ftp news stands: ^^^^^^^^^ | Editorial | Material from | eff.org B. Hathrume Duk | quartz.rutgers.edu Poetry of Politics | Quotes | Things odd | or by subscription by sending e-mail to: ascii art | More quotes | tibbetts@hsi.hsi.com Democracy(as seen on TV)| ========================================================================= +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ _-^--^=-_ _.-^^ -~_ _-- --_ < >) | | \._ _./ ```--. . , ; .--''' | | | .-=|| | |=-. `-=#$%&%$#=-' | ; :| _____.,-#%&$@%#&#~,._____ --------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Language is a virus from another planet." William Burroughs <*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*> "Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly." Simeon Strunsky No Mean City (1944) <*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*> Editorial ^^^^^^^^^ Well, The Unplastic News is back for the fifth time and I have a tiny story for YOU, the viewer. On election morning I awoke and stumbled into the crispy morning toward the local fire department to cast my ballot. The 6:07am fog smelled like pumkin. As I crossed the street, I overheard a conversation between a young couple. "She's not a nun," the man said, "she's from Phoenix." I went in and voted anyway. Later at home, as I was cleaning a shelf, I upset a paper which fell to the floor. I read it. The paper held a quote from the AP wire and read, "! KICKER ! Nun Wins $1 Million in California Lottery (Sacramento, California)--In California, a nun who has lived for 54 years under a vow of poverty has become a (M) millionaire in the state lottery's Big Spin Game. Sister Josephine Contris, assigned to a convent in Redwood City, is pledging to use the money to support a financially strapped retirement home in Santa Maria. With members of her order in the television studio audience cheering her on, Sister Josephine turned down a sure 40-thousand dollars to take a chance for the one (M) million-dollar prize." Just as I finished reading, my friend Toeless Peetie Schamata arrived with an atlas. He said, "Yo, Thal. You gotta help me plan my road trip. I'm driving from Phoenix to Sacramento in July with my brother Two-Digit Willie and his friend from the band Anal Flapjack, the one with the ear infection." He stopped speaking and stared at me. I cracked awake suddenly. I was doused with epiphany and sparked with satori. I again smelled the pumpkins. I awoke because I remembered that just three days before, Toeless Peetie Schamata had arrived at my Holloween party dressed as a nun. It was then that I realized, suddenly and with hope, that I would have no more election media to take my mind off quacky synchronicities and things would be getting back to normal. Only this time, deeper. Thaloneous Platypus Editor-in-Chief Tangiers, 1992 ^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~!^~! "Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics." Albert Camus **************************************************************************** The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot ALLIANCE AIRPORT TO LINDA ---------------- -------- We So now own that you have- this land. you know, whoever I don't spend any time you're trying on this land. to do This a favor is a tiny for little piece -you've done it- of my business and I'm sure interests. you had It's like a smirk a grain on your mouth of sand. as you got me (recited on ABC's Town Meeting, into this. June 29, 1992) (composed for Linda Wertheimer on NPR) >From SPY Magazine November 1992 -$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ (Associated Press) OROVILLE - A recent burglary victim attending a neighborhood watch meeting spotted her television, Christmas stockings and other lost items in the home of the neighbor hosting the meeting, police said. "The clincher was that the woman putting on the neighborhood watch program was wearing the victim's dress," Oroville police Detective Art Hatley said. The victim, Nancy Miler, sat calmly through the discussion by neighbors and two Oroville police officers, Hatley said. "She kept her head about it. Then, when the meeting was over, she waited outside for the officers and told them what she had seen," he said. Detectives obtained search warrants for the home and for a locker the residents rented at a storage business. When they served the warrants Wednesday, they found about $9,000 worth of stolen property belonging to Miller and other burglary victims in both places, police said. They also found an ounce of methamphetamines. Denise and Jeffrey Lagrimas were arrested on charges of possession of stolen property and methamphetamines for sale. They were booked into Butte County Jail and released on $10,000 bail each. Miller lost the television set, dress and other items when her storage locker, at the same business where the Lagrimases had a locker, was burglarized in mid-November. +-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-*+-* "Money is life. Not in the sense that without money you starve. Not in the sense that capital gives one class power over the entire lives of another class. But in the sense that money is the token of, and the key to, every human capacity. The power to spend money is the power to live. According to the legends of publicity, those who lack the power to spend money become literally faceless. Those who have the power become lovable." John Berger WAYS OF SEEING 1972 }-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o Jane and I got mixed up with a television show -- or as we call it back east here: TV -- a clever contraction derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville. However, it is our latest medium -- we call it a medium because nothing's well done. It was discovered, I suppose you've heard, by a man named Fulton Berle, and it has already revolutionized social grace by cutting down parlour conversation to two sentences: "What's on television?" and "Good night". Goodman Ace Letter to Groucho Marx, in The Groucho Letters (1967) }-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o}-{o We are now, there can be no doubt, in the final historical seconds of that crisis - a crisis which involves the end of history, our departure from the planet, the triumph over death, and the release of the individual from matter. We are, in fact, closing distance with the most profound event a planetary ecology can encounter - the freeing of life from the dark chrysalis of matter. In other words, we humans may be released into a realm of pure self- engineering. This was Blake's perception. This is where we came from. This is where we are going. And it is only to be approached through cognitive activity. Terence McKenna "New Maps of Hyperspace" (~~) (__) (~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)-- Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. Ronald Reagan At a conference in Los Angeles, 2 Mar. 1977 (~~) (__) (~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)(~~) (__)-- ____________________ ? / \ \ ____________ ! ! / \ ! ! ! \ \____________________/ ! \ ! ! ! \_____ ! ! ! ! L_ ! ! ! / _)! ! ____! / /__L ! / _____/ (____) ! / (____) ! / _____ (____) \____________/ \_(____) / \ ! ! [][][][][][][][]__! !________ ! ! / \___ \__/ \_______________________________/ \ STRIKE ANY KEY WHEN READY ! ============================================================================== K E M P in 92 ... NOT! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "The feminist agenda," Pat Robertson observed in a recent letter to his supporters, "is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." ================================================================================ On the national scene, the long, twisted road to democratic practice is winding down. For the first time in my life it seems like someone who I want to win is going to finally win. The Reagan-Bush-Quayle monstrosity, a beast which ruled the land throughout my teenage years and in to my early twenties, has slimed for the last time, or at least until the next election. B. Hathrume Duk &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& "Masturbation is the thinking man's television." Christopher Hampton Philanthropist (1970) )0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0)0(0 "Nice June day out today, lots of people probably graduating. I can see the Cloisters with its million in medieval art out the bedroom window. I got to go in and puke. I just want to be pure..." Jim Carroll BASKETBALL DIARIES 1963 ]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...] Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. Ambrose Bierce Cynic's Word Book (1906) ]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...]==[...] Political Poetry from Roger Simons colum in the Baltimore Sun October 28, 1992 Bill Clinton's excuses run hollow. With logic that's quite hard to follow. When asked about beer, He said with a leer, "I tasted, but I didn't swallow." A tycoon made us swoon in the spring Not a pol! Just clear answers he'd bring. Though once in absentia, He's back with dementia! Thinks we're calling for him to be king! There's been trouble ever since he began. Iran-contra... S&Ls ... and there's Dan! But the biggest non-winner Was when George left his dinner On the prime minister of Japan OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000 "Television has brought back murder into the home--where it belongs." Alfred Hitchcock OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000OoOoOo00000 Art without engineering is dreaming. Engineering without art is calculating. -- Steven K. Roberts in "Computing Across America" {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{} Ronald McClanahan, 41, was arrested in September when he tried to rob a Columbia, Mo., gun shop with a knife. He tried to open the electronic cash register by randomly pushing buttons, but then became frustrated and tried to carry it away until the cord got caught, yanking him to the floor. When an employee approached with a shotgun, McClanahan first lay perfectly still, then bolted up, yelling, "Go ahead and shoot me," then tried to lug the cash register out again. Then he dropped it so he could flee, but when the drawer broke open, he stopped to grab some money. As he ran for the exit, gun-wielding employees blocked him. When police arrived, they had to use force to loosen his grip on the money. News Of The Weird =*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\=*=/\ 'The man is definitely paranoid. I think he's crackers... I once knew a man who used to stare at a light bulb for hours and talk to Jesus. He really believed that he was talking to Jesus.' G. Gordon Liddy commenting on H. Ross Perot =+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+= "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." H. L. Mencken Little Book in C major (1916) =+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+==+-+= We were all punks, didn't have anything worth living for. I had a job once for a few months, some new rationing plan came through, and my boss burned the place down and shot himself. I guess he wasn't making any money. None of us had jobs now except for a little dealing once in a while. I knew they'd throw in with me if the price was right." Gerry Reith NEUTRON GUN /-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_ "Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them." Arman de Caillavet 31 May 1913 /-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_/-\_ ascii art provided by: ______ ____________________ / / ._>____ __ __ __ __ __ Bryan So (so@betty.cs.wisc.edu) / / . \ / ._>\ ' //. |/ ' / Computer Sciences Department /_/____//_\_\ / //_\_|_/\_/ 1210 W. Dayton ______________ /_/_________ Madison, WI 53706 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ STAY TUNED The Unplastic News #6 is in the pot and boiling. Enjoy your new president before he sours. questions & comments to: tibbetts@hsi.hsi.com Special Thanks To: B. Hathrume Duk Who nearly gave his life so that this issue could be completed. _ _ ___ (o)-___ ___-(o) ___ ////\_|_/\\\\ ////\_|_/\\\\ , | , , | , '|` '|` ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ S E N D U S S T U F F _______________________________________________________________________________ This is not the age of pamphleteers. It is the age of the engineers. The spark-gap is mightier than the pen. Democracy will not be salvaged by men who talk fluently, debate forcefully and quote aptly. Lancelot Hogben Science for the Citizen (1938)